Cannot “shell a shrimp” according to Amor…

Alright, normally I have the wherewithal to avoid You magazine and Huisgenoot like I avoid the M5 after 16h30, but this was just too deplorable to pass up.

This week Huisgenoot and You are devoting many of those nasty thin pages of theirs on the ongoing (and boy has it been going on a while!) marriage breakdown of former-Springbok rugby darling, Joost van der Westhuizen, and his estranged wife, Afrikaans popstrel Amor Vittone. The latest diagnosis? “Sexy lady doctor” Jody Pearl – a specialist who is helping Joost with his battle against Motor Neuron Disease, a largely fatal condition he was diagnosed with last year – is providing a pretty alternative kind of treatment, if you know what I mean.

Allegedly, Joost and Dr. Pearl have been spending a lot of time together – as a doctor and patient might when the latter is fighting for his life, I suppose – but the kicker appears to have been a recent camping trip where Joost and Dr. Jody shared a tent. In her garden. Yes, you read that right, Joost popped a tent out front with his lady doctor! Excuse me while I call the Medical Ethics Board.

Amor is allegedly furious, and is initiating divorce proceedings… sometime, as she has been threatening to do for the last three years, since their “break in trust” – which could be that video, or also the string of affairs she is alleged to have had on those infernal Skouspel tours.

The slighted singer reports on the couple’s five-year old daughter, Kylie, who told her that they camped in the “woods,” saw a “giraffe” and that “dada and the lady” slept in the same tent.

Joost responds by digging himself in it even deeper, claiming “Nothing improper occurred. It’s just because Jody is a sexy doctor, now everyone is quick to say there’s something between us!” Oh Joost! #facepalm.

Amor continued her rant in Afrikaans weekly, Rapport, in which she bemoaned the fact that her critically ill ex-partner is “not strong enough to shell a shrimp” and that her chief concern was whether he was strong enough to look after their children. Clearly Dr. Pearl has very poorly developed shrimp, if that is true.

I don’t know about you, but all this story left me with was a resounding sense of sadness for a time when Joost van der Westhuizen was South Africa’s unchallenged sports god, and didn’t have holes in his underwear. It also made me wish Huisgenoot would provide free hand sanitizer samples with every issue, like their glossier cousins sometimes do.

[Source: News 24]