“Jesus is coming! Look busy!”

If you’re planning to be around to watch the final of the Rugby World Cup this year, then can I suggest you get your sinner on toute suite – something light should do, because International Pastor of Mystery and prodigious-if-less-than-punctual prophet of doom, Harold Camping has returned from the wilderness of international ridicule with a new prediction for the start of the Rapture. In two weeks time, to be precise: October 21st, 2011. Sorry, rugby fans!

Camping made headlines earlier this year when his predicted May 22 Rapture didn’t come to pass, much to the relief of sinners everywhere. Pity then his followers around the world had already sold their wordly possessions in anticipation of heaven’s strictly enforced No Baggage Weight policy. Oops!

“He’s making a list; checking it twice! Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice!”

This of course was not the first time Camping had issued a proclamation of the end of times to his millions of followers – each time he swears his calculations are (more) correct (than the last time), the members of his church put on their coats and sensible shoes and wait for their glorious ascension into heaven… no, not this time? Okay, just in time for the Evening News to see Camping looking confused and shrugging it off, claiming ‘divine spiritual DNS failure,’ or ‘the number you have tribulated is not available, please tribulate again later’ or some such thing.

In any case, fresh off a stroke and convinced he’s cracked the date, Harold has also proclaimed that this Rapture should be relatively painless, much like the left side of his whole body. See you all on October 22!

[Source: Daily Maverick]