I attended the Wine Show Joburg over the weekend. I had planned to write a column comparing the different drinkers at the shows in Joburg to those here in the Cape.

I didn’t get very far there.  Seems these wine shows are pretty similar. OK, maybe there a few more Ed Hardy types up in Jo’burg, and the density of attractive people higher in the cape. But there were little real differences that I could make out.

I was told that in Johannesburg the wine shows are inundated with visitors who buy nearly everything in sight. This didn’t seem to be the case. Not that the show was poorly supported, but it didn’t feel much busier than those I have been to in the Cape.

This sort of banality meant that I was kind of stuck for a column angle. Also, I can’t help but feeling that the comparison between Captonians and Joburgers – past some rather superficial differences – is sometimes a complete bullshit story by the writer. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m from Durban.

I mulled this over while sipping the delicious Howard Booysen 2010 Riesling in a rather sketchy pool bar located in the midst of an industrial area. For Jo’burgers, this seems like a good a spot as any for a few restaurants and bars.

The doormen at the pool bar almost had a fit when I tried to waltz in with my Riesling and glass. I explained the concept of corkage. They said it sounded like a splendid idea as long as I paid it to them. I thought this was a fair deal, and corkage (bribe) paid I was allowed inside. As I drank what I’m sure was the only Riesling ever drunk inside Nut-Crackers – no that’s not it, Testicle-Pulverisers, no, Ball-Breakers, there we go – as I sat inside Ball-Breakers I started to wonder what could make wine shows better:

1. International Wines.

Most people only really drink wines made on our shores. This is probably because foreign wines are not as obviously available and because they are generally at a higher price than most people buy wine at. I remember asking myself what was different about the French wines I had read so much about, and the Italian, New Zealand, Australian and German wines. I fantasized so much about the wines from outside South Africa I was a bit surprised that they tasted like wine.

Of course the more I have tasted and learnt I have understood the excitement people show about the wines of Burgundy, Champagne, the Mosel, the Northern Rhone. The importers of wines from foreign shores should attend these shows with a wine stand – even if to taste these wines carries a premium cost I think having them available would add to the show as a whole.

2. More Education.

OK, not sure how this would work, but it would be good if Wines of South Africa, or maybe some of the organisations dedicated to improving varieties (the Chenin Blanc Association for example) put an effort into educate consumers about SA wines.

Stands should interactive, include wine tasting, and are trying to inform consumers rather than simply sell wine. It could be region based: a stand representing cool and warm climate sites, explaining the concept of terroir, with wines to illustrate the point. What about a stand explaining the difference between primary, secondary and tertiary flavours? A stand that helped people understand faults in wine, especially cork taint? When you learn more about wine you enjoy it more, of this I am certain. I see no better place to inform many people about one or two key ideas in the world of wine than at a wine show.

3. Good Glassware

The Wine show in Joburg nailed this one. Never supply those crappy little ISO tasting glasses. No one likes them.

4. More seminars.

I remember the Cape Town Book Fair I went to awhile back. The main hall got pretty boring if you weren’t cutting book deals, or looking to fill up a new bookshop with new books. But the seminars that were on were brilliant, and all free. Wine shows need to follow suit with top industry people speaking and debating about wine in front of, and with the public.

5. A guidebook explaining the wine tasting vibe.

A guide to not being a douche at a wine show would be handy. Not sure if everyone would read it, but there is an etiquette that makes life easier for all. Things like: Don’t slap on half a bottle of perfume. People come to smell the wines, not you.

While chatting to the people pouring wine is fine, remember there are people behind you who would like a taste. That goes for pourers too, I might just need a drop of wine, not your undivided attention.

Spit. If you don’t you’ll end up stumbling round like a fool before vomiting in your taxi. Stay classy and spit.

I stopped at five because my Riesling had finished – the bouncers had arrived and demanded a taste. I gave them a quick tasting. Which was one of the strangest moments of the trip: giving two large, muscled, Nigerians a quick tasting and explanation of Riesling in a smoky, cheap, pool-bar. Which gave me a sixth option.

6. Hold wine shows in rough, smoky, cheap, pool-bars, and possible corner the large, muscled, Nigerian wine market.

How would you improve wine shows?