May 18 is coming up, which is a relief given that by that date South Africans will have endured 11 days of unbroken work without a public holiday. When is the ANC going to realize that if they want to keep the 25% unemployed happy, we need more holidays, not fewer. How are these people who have been failed so spectacularly by the government supposed to feel part of society when the rest of us are out working?

If I believed in democracy, which I wholeheartedly do not (“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill), then I would vote on May 18, and I don’t mind telling you that the 2oceansvibe Radio Morning team is officially endorsing the Democratic Alliance, even though Helen Zille dances like a monkey and has nests of field mice in her knickers. At least the Western Cape under the DA has managed to spend all the loot so generously allocated by the Treasury, unlike some other provinces north of here whose leaders have so many relatives with off-the-shelf companies queuing up for tenders that it’s all become a bit confusing and they’ve been unable to decide which ones should get the taxpayers’ dosh.

Pravin Gordhan has ruthlessly penalized the corrupt and inefficient by withholding allocations for the current financial year. Pravin for President.

Meanwhile, across the water, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have settled into married life beautifully by cancelling their honeymoon, while the Duke has signed up for a two and a half month stint in the Falklands rescuing penguins and blowing raspberries at the Argies. Forgive me for being a hopeless romantic, but if I’d just married Catherine, I’d want a little time alone with her, even if I had already been banging her like a cheap gong for eight years. That’s why I’ll never marry a Royal.

An awful lot has been said and written about the death of Osama bin Laden, but back to the democracy angle I don’t think any of us have any right to know all the business of the governments of the world all the time. We’ll never know what really happened in that compound until the Navy Seal himself (or herself?) finally cracks and gives an interview to the Oprah of the day.

The glorification of the death of Osama bin Laden by the Americans is understandable in some respects; reprehensible in others. As for the jokes coming out of the sick minds that populate the internet – well, I just don’t know what the world is coming to. If people really believe that the anagram of Osama bin Laden being “Lob da man in sea”, is remotely funny, then it’s a sad testimony to the degradation of developed societies and their decadent ways. It shouldn’t be repeated, nor should the pathetic joke: “I’m sick of the US media constantly confusing Osama and Obama. Clearly one is the Muslim leader of the largest terror organisation in the world, and the other is lying at the bottom of the ocean.”

Come on everyone, grow up.