We bring you this week’s installment of Sex In The Mother City! Kira and the girls head out to a party, and, for the first time in a long time, Kira finds herself in the position of designated driver. But with all the ex trouble she’s experiencing, she may be jonesing for a cocktail sooner rather than later…Sex In The Mother City is based on true happenings in the Mother City (names have been changed). Follow the link for Episode 10.

[Latest episode below. If it’s your first time here you might want to Catch up with past episodes HERE]

Exes in the Mother City

“We’ll take it fast and then we’ll take it slow, that’s where I wanna go, way down to mojottown!”

Kira modified the Beach Boys classic.

“Shake that boody, lady, enough with the singing in the shower. We are going to be late.”

Kira continued singing. “We’ll put out to sea, and we’ll perfect our chemistry, by and by we’ll defy a little bit of gravity.”

Celeste decided she would sneak a quick cigarette on the balcony while Kira was in the shower. Kira’s new neighbour, young Brad, from the US, was also out on his balcony. He had only been in Cape Town a few weeks on a UCT study exchange programme.

“Hey.”

“Hey, nice evening. You on your way out?”

“Just waiting for Kira.”

“She got a young man in there?” This was Phil, Kira’s other neighbour. He was also smoking on his balcony.

“Nope, alone in the shower when I last checked.”

“That one.” He stubbed out his cigarette and went inside.

Mid-forties, balding and occasionally a little overbearing, Kira had once not answered the door to Brad because she had thought that it was Phil bringing over beers for impromptu sundowners on her balcony. She had informed him from behind a closed door that she was getting dressed to go out. She had only realized her mistake when Brad had texted her:

It was Brad knocking. I guess I was not as charming the other night at dinner as I believed I was. Hope to see you soon. Have a good evening.

Kira had called him back immediately to inform him that he was very charming and welcome to knock on her door anytime.

Kira was in an incredibly good mood despite the fact that she had had serious ex-trouble recently. Her recent 10 month relationship and her just previous six year relationship exes had nearly come to blows at a private party three nights ago. Kira was no longer seeing either of them, but somehow one of their friends had seen fit to come over to her on the dancefloor and  warn her of impending trouble.

“If your knob of an ex-boyfriend does not stay away from Jon I am going to hit him. You had better let him know.”

Kira had politely pointed out that in fact neither of her exes were her responsibility, so if they really wanted to have a physical fight they could go right ahead and do just that. But it had upset her. She just wanted to be able to have fun without numerous phonecalls regarding stories that she was “banging a 25 year old hairdresser” and “doing lines of cocaine daily with her Italian friends”. Or being expected to answer questions around who she was seeing, or was seen out with, or how she was feeling about a prospective future together.

It was a few weeks before the Miller Mansion parties, and Kira was designated driver. The ladies were going out dancing. Kira and Julian had called it quits a month or so beforehand because Kira was reluctant to commit to exclusivity. Julian was gorgeous, and had been an extremely adventurous lover, but Kira was not ready for the emotional involvement that exclusivity introduced.

Meanwhile Celeste had met an older man from Bishops Court. He had wined her and dined her and taken her to bed, and then texted her once or twice, and then nothing. Celeste was not impressed.

“What is his problem? We had such a great time out together. I am disappointed. I really did not expect this.” Celeste explained to Silvia and Kira over dinner at Sandbar. Catherine arrived followed by two other striking women. When she reached the table, they both air kissed her goodbye before she sat down.

“Wasn’t that Joanne and Cindy?” Silvia enquired. “Why didn’t they say hello? They’ve both met us many times. Aren’t we good enough to be greeted? ”

“Insecurity, sweetheart.” Celeste comforted her. “They never greet me either unless I throw myself at them first.”

“I guess at least it’s honest. They’re not interested, and they don’t feign interest. Better than the whole ‘Dahling, great to see you! How are you?’ bullshit whilst looking over your shoulders to spot who else is in the room.” Catherine added.

“Look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around my eyes…” Silvia mimicked Matt Lucas’s Little Britain character.

“Vicky Pollard, now she would have told them what for, innit!” Kira smiled.

“No, but yeah, but no.” Catherine, who had also done UK time, countered.

Post-Sandbar the ladies had organized entrance to the VIP section for a party at new “super” club, Trinity.  The bouncer had denied Silvia entrance to the VIP section because he could not find her name on the guest list.

“Look at me.” The huge bouncer frowned and looked at his colleague.” No, look at me! Do I look like I belong down there with all those alcopop swigging children? I mean really, do I?”

Silvia climbed over the heavily guarded rope.

“Lady, get back on the other side of the rope. I mean it, lady, back over. On the other side.”

Kira sensing that Silvia would only continue to antagonize the bouncer further had gone to fetch the party organizer, Nicky. Nicky nodded to the bouncer,

“She’s with us.”

Silvia ungraciously glared at the bouncer,

“Really? Me? Alcopop swigging kids! I need a double vodka, pronto!”

Inside Kira spotted Max, her Canadian friend with benefits. Max was an established bachelor. He was attractive, well educated and extremely well travelled. He spent half of his year in Cape Town, and most of the rest of the year in New York or flying his Cessna around Africa. For Kira the soundtrack to the Moulin Rouge would never be the same again. Offset by the visuals of Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman singing to one another on his wide screen TV, Max and Kira had added the benefits to friends on the couch in his apartment.

Max was Apple-mad. He had his whole apartment rigged up to interact with his Apple devices, and the New York Apple store was one of his favourite haunts. Max had become Kira’s main source of i-knowledge.

In the interim Charles had been brushing up on his Mac knowledge. Unbeknownst to Catherine he had had his laptop (or Mac-top as Catherine called it) set up so that he could use it to access her internet and e-mails directly through their wireless network. Unfortunately for Charles Catherine had set up a separate e-mail account for correspondence with Andrew, and she never accessed that account at home.  Charles had however taken to “managing” her facebook and e-mails remotely. That evening before she went out Charles had noted that among her recent facebook messages was a message from an investment banker who had had the insolence to ask her out for a drink. He had deleted the message before she had read it and blocked the sender.

Max was chatting to Nicky when Celeste pulled Kira aside.

“I need to tell you something. You know Mister Bishops Court?” Kira nodded. “Well, he is Nicky’s recent ex- husband, and she cannot find out that I slept with him. I like her, and I definitely do not want her to know. I never realized who he was when I met him.”

“C, you know that your secrets are always safe with me. But wow, another one degree of seperation. ”

Celeste hugged her. “Thank you, my friend.”

The party was a blast and the ladies made full use of the fact that Kira had sworn to complete sobriety for the night. Silvia managed to fall off an elevated area while dancing and Tarah, who had joined them later, engaged in drunken flirting with a well-known ex-Springbok player. Celeste ended up on the arm of a much older man being plied with Moet after tumbling underneath Silvia. When Kira decided it was time to go, it was clear that Tarah was very keen on the Springbok player and wanted to stay.

“I am taking the rest of my friends home, but I wanted to know that if I leave Tarah here with you, will you make sure she gets home safely?” Kira approached the ex-Springbok player.

“Oh, no, no, no. She’s not my responsibility. I am leaving shortly too. Definitely can’t.” And he scuttled away before Kira could press him further.

So for the first time in a long time, Kira left a party with every one of her female friends accompanying her home.