Whoof. So they’ve recently released the promo for Clifton Shores, a show with “an American cast coming to live and work in Cape Town where we follow them seeing how interesting their lives get.” So far as I can tell, this is an attempt at placing the Jersey Shore in Cape Town, and it is The Worst Thing.

It’s ostensibly a reality TV series, but obviously that is about as believable as…man, I’m sorry, I don’t have any similes for you right now. I’m honestly a little upset at how awful that promo looks. But there was a casting call sent out about a year ago to recruit ‘realistic’ characters for this totally non-scripted monstrosity.

“Character Descriptions and Notes (plus Storyline if applicable)

For the purpose of this brief, we have given character names:

1. Shelley- All American Girl (Main Protagonist), 18 to 25 years old, very attractive, Caucasian.  She is the girl next door who’s sweet, aspiring, clever and wholesome.  She comes from a privileged home background with a close family.

2. Trisha- Becomes the antagonist, 18-25 years old, very attractive, Caucasian or African American.  Fun, flirty, street smart, savvy, party girl.  Trisha is more confident on the outside than on the inside.  Aspires to acting/modeling, also comes from a privileged family.  She thinks life is an easy ride because everything gets given to her.

3. Tammy- The new BFF, 18 to 25 years old, attractive, Caucasian or African American. She is ambitious, determined, vivacious, bubbly and smart.  Tammy has some work and business experience, hard-working and fun-loving.  Tammy has a gift, she sings like an angel.  She is the type of person who has a gift but is too shy to share it.

4. Bianca- The troublemaker, 18 to 25 years old, attractive, Caucasian or African American. Feisty, model, bitter-sweet, manipulative, fun, ambitious and a tease.  She should have some aspirations or experience in acting/modeling.  SHe is fun to be around, but has a nasty streak and she only wants to hang out with the crowd.

5. Rick- 20 to 25 years old, attractive, Caucasian or African American.  The all American bad boy. Loveable, rogue, ladies man, naughty by nature, street smart.  Rick is in to extreme sports, sponsored by a big brand label.  Where Rick goes, trouble follows.

6. Josh- 20-25 years old, attractive, Caucasian or African American.  The all American boy, handsome, respectful, honest, good guy.  He is an extreme sports adventure lover- party animal.  Josh was born to be free and take life by its horns and challenge it.

7. Skye- 20-25 years old, attractive, Caucasian.  Lazy, arrogant, opinionated.  Skye is a model and is very much in the fashion and commercial scene in Cape Town.  He’s on the VIP list at every party and club and he knows the who’s who on the social scene.  He is smart, good looking, gambles on line to make cash.”