I may have rushed to get to the moral of the story with the headline there. I’m sorry. It’s just that I got so excited because the HMS Invincible is for sale! The Invincible is big enough to carry 22 aircraft (not included), and is available second-hand, previously owned by a lovely old lady who only took it to war on Sundays.

The lovely old lady in question is the Queen. She used to call it ‘Vince.’ I’m not making this up, it’s all on the HMS Invincible’s wikipedia entry! Don’t you want to own something that has its own wikipedia entry and isn’t a genital deformity? I sure do. And here’s you’re chance! The recently-decomissioned Invincible is for sale right now at the Disposal Services Authority. Yes, okay, maybe the Invincible has seen better days – but come on, this beauty fought in the Falkland Wars, and if that isn’t a battle absolutely central to your current political inclinations, then maybe we don’t belong together after all.

Here are the Invincible’s stats:

Length – OA 210m, W/L 193m
Draught – Fwd 5.2m, Mid 5.8m, Aft 5.8m
Beam – Extreme 35m, Ex-walkways 32m, W/L 27.53m
Height – 46m (estimated at current draught
Engines – Removed
Generators and Pumps – Generally unserviceable or not working

Okay, so, yes, the ship is essentially a very big fancy raft right now, because there are not any pumps or generators. But nobody needs to know that when you throw a giant party on this sucker! That’s right, you, for the meagre price of…uhm, N/A, can own a piece of British history and get drunk on it. That’s change you can believe in, my friend.

And it gets better! This girl is technically the HMS Invincible RO5, which is just a little bit of spray-paint away from being The HMS INVINCIBLE BROS. Put that in your pipe and contemplate it.

So you take that Christmas bonus pay-check, and you contact that stranger from the internet, and tell them you want to give them $N/A for their boat. That’s what I want you to do this weekend.

[edisposals]