If you haven’t watched The Corporation, the terrifying documentary about the power of the modern corporation, you might not know of Celebration, Florida, the Stepford Wives-style town that Miley Cyrus’ parent corporation, Disney, built 14 years ago.

Conversely, anyone who hasn’t watched The Human Centipede, like I did last night, probably still has a wilful innocence that I have now lost forever. But that’s neither here nor there…

Celebration is a living, breathing monument to all that is sanitary and impotent. The forced quaintness is very apparent. I imagine it’s like living in Disneyland, except you don’t get to run around naked and ride the pterodactyls (ok, so clearly I’ve never been to Disneyland). And now, for the first time in its existence, there is the very real threat that you may suffer from a bad case of being murdered.

Matteo Giovanditto, a Celebration resident who lived alone with his Chihuahuas (naturally) was found dead in the utopian concept town this week after neighbours noticed that they hadn’t seen him for a while and called the police.

The police have so far refused to disclose the cause of death, but the tragic lesson we’re all reminded of here is that if you die in a Disney town, you die in real life. Be safe, people.

[Source: NPR]