Steven Gerrard’s remarkable second half introduction and talismanic hatrick against Napoli last night preoccupied my mind from one of my absolute pet hates in professional football: the growing trend of play-acting or simulation.

While such manipulative methods have been around for years (I think specifically here of Diego Simeone in France 1998, which had English supporters burning effigies of David Beckham) I find it intolerable that the game’s greatest persist and the game’s officials continue to let it slide.

Case in point: AC Milan vs. Real Madrid on Tuesday night. Milan’s Ignazio Abate effectively tickled Cristiano Ronaldo under his chin as the pair fought for possession down the touchline. Ronaldo threw himself to the grass as if his leg had just been sent skyward by a stray IED, slamming his fists to the ground in a state of petulance, only to be ticked off in referee Howard Webb’s book. Cary Elwes could have taken lessons from Ron for his role in Saw.

While the football authorities continue to resist towards hindsight sightings and punishment, simulation will continue to mar football as a sport where the crafty get craftier and the referees contiue to look like dolts.

The Skullduggery of Simulation

1) Players anticipate ‘contact’ from an opponent in the penalty area and with arms flailing about, fall to the floor in search of a penalty.

2) Players entice action from the referee by pretending they are hurt when (not to anybody’s surprise) they actually aren’t. Physios rush to the players attention, help him hobble off the field, only for the player to ‘shrug’ the knock off and continue as if that miraculous ‘magic spray’ could cure cancer. Typically if the opponent is booked they have simulated effectively. “Rassa-fassa-Dick-Dastardly”, says the yellow card’s recipient.

*Notice Ronaldo’s look up to see if Webb is falling for it on 0:23s. Scheming.

[Skysports]

Main image via abc.net