You know at school when you were playing cricket, or tennis, or badminton, or javelin, or whatever, and the coach lent in for a little advice?

“Go hard.”

That’s what every self-respecting coach tells his charges when the moment demands it. Even if you fail, at least you’ve failed hard.

And Marine Taxis have gone hard. Specifically, Ms Ursula Brown, PR Manager of Marine Taxis, has gone very hard.

It all started when fellow Capetonian, Shaun Oakes, blogged his experience of a ride in a Marine Taxis cab over two years ago.

You can read it here.

Two years down the line, and Marine Taxis is not, repeat, not, very happy about the fairly innocuous blog post. In fact, they’re so unhappy that they sent this unsolicited, and entirely cryptic email to Oakes via his website contact form.

Contact Shaun Oakes
Your Name: Ursula Brown
Email: ****@marinetaxis.co.za
Website: www.marinetaxis.co.za
Message: Mr Oakes.. Note yr request about what not to do when corresponding with yrself. But I must say that this is a serious case of the pot calling the kettle black as u seem to have done this yourself with yr unsubstantiated uncommented “story” on your site which even our “hijacked” logo. Please remove this story asap…… pronto……..

What happens after that is a crapstorm of missed points and poor decisions. Introducing Ms Ursula Brown, whose self-named public relations qualifications include:

• “Being an ex-teacher”
• “ran an Internet Cafe in Sea Point for five years”
• “has a Southern African web portal (GPR 5)”
• “been in marketing, advertising and PR since 1972”
• “am accredited media world-wide”
• “attending 19th Indaba in a row”

But let’s not forget any professionals greatest qualification, their network:

• “two ex husbands and three sons all in IT”
• “I have gazillions of qualified tutors in my family and/or via years of contacts who are a mere phone call away.”

Contacted for comment, Ms Brown explained that she had been in her PR position at Marine Taxis for less than two months, and that her brief was to find and eliminate all unauthorised media related to Marine Taxis. She alleged that the entire fracas was born of the fact that Oakes claimed that the original post was bona fide advertising.

There are almost too many highlights to mention, so we suggest you read the whole David Thorn-esque exchange over at Oake’s blog, but before you go, we’ve got a few tidbits to recommend:

1. Oakes to Brown: This one, from 2008? [link removed]. Where I advertised your services? Why would I take this down?
2. Brown to Oakes: Firstly, if, you were indeed, “Advertising your services”, I request a signed off approval from ourselves. And then, regardless of whether or not you are holding a signed proof, we request that you remove “story/advert/whatever you may call it” with immediate effect.
3. Oakes to Brown: “I don’t think you quite understand how blogs and the internet works, so let me educate you: Demanding that I get ’signed-off approval’ before mentioning your brand is ridiculous. Are you familiar with Facebook? Or Twitter?”
4. Brown to Oakes: “And as far as your “let me educate you” skills are concerned… well, they suck…Regarding thinly veiled pseudo threat, please, be my guest, twitter away or go on to Facebook or wherever else you wish, have fun and do your worst…”

Well, Shaun accepted the invitation, and he’s gone hard, done his worst best.

Catch the whole sordid affair over here.