It is beyond me that something is not being done about the prawn epidemic on a government level. For something that started in the coffee shops of Cape Town, to have spread across the globe as far as Japan, London, Venezuela and Putney, I think the urgency of the matter could never be greater.

Especially now that it has gone further than just big city centers, and moved to untouched places of beauty, including Malawi!

This from our intrepid 2oceansvibe Travel Writer, Tony B:

Dearest Seth

It is with deep concern and trepidation that I send you this information, as it has global consequences…

I recently had the great pleasure of a little sojourn to the idyllic beaches of lake Malawi, the warm heart of Africa.

Days were spent without a care, enjoying the sun, warm waters of the lake, smiling locals, Carlsberg greens, and of course the world famous Malawi gold.

One morning, while minding my own business on the beach, a shadow crept across the sand, blocking my sun. I looked up expecting to see my friend, Mr Fantastic, approaching with yet another cob that he had fetched from his grandfather who grew the best stuff way up in the mountains.

You can imagine my absolute horror when I raised my bloodshot eyes to meet the scaly gaze of a fully grown Malawian Prawn!

Now, being miles from the nearest tar road, and surrounded by soft cushioning sand, I had to assume that this was a new breed of Prawn, and nervously enquired it’s name. “Chicane Pisa” was the reply I got.

Confused, it took me a while to realise that this particular Prawn seemed to have tucked into the local gold himself and confused munchies with name, where he got it from I could not tell, as there was definitely no “chicken pizza” anywhere to be seen.
On his shirt he had the words “Ask me the million dollar que$tion”. I was stuck for words at that time, and it was only after he sauntered off that I realised what the million dollar question must be:

“Why the fuck are you wearing your helmet when you are not on your bicycle, Prawn?”

Anyway, I knew immediately that this information needed to be put out there, so that people can be prepared and not go through the trauma I did. There is nowhere safe or sacred when it comes to Prawns. Come on District 10, it is time for some Prawn Pisa.

Tony B

Thank you for that, Tony.

Mother of God, when is someone going to put a stop to the madness?!

It’s only when someone gets hurt that they realise we are being invaded. And you know what it will be? It will be somebody’s child. We MUST unite against this vermin.

Very soon it will be too late.

Do you have a friend who wears his/her cycling helmet when not on a bike?Maybe it’s your mother, or father? Or even your lover?

YOU need to use your voice and tell them, “you look like a doos and nobody likes you if you wear your helmet when entering a public place. We already have to deal with your nuts sticking out, even though there are children around. Haven’t you done enough mental damage to the public in general?”