The greatest Canadian scourge since Brandon Huntley Celine Dion, Justin Bieber stirs grown men to panic.

The vapid, androgynous, lesbo-chic music has taken the pubescent world by storm, and the boy girl with the pudding bowl kop chop seems to wield genuine power.

As demonstrated by his latest foray into social networking, where he tweeted the mobile number of a teen who had invaded his privacy by legally accessing his (Bieber’s) mobile number. Goodness, that’s complicated.

But word in the interwebs street is that Bieber’s “U Smile” passes for a moderately enjoyable track with real musical integrity.

That’s if you slow it down 800 times.

This from the MTV Newsroom:

The resulting track sounds like something that might be tacked onto the end of a Sigur Ros album or be on one of Enya’s more experimental forays into noise. The track crawls, glistens and builds to a handful of killer crescendos that make it sound infinitely more epic than Bieber’s original could ever be.

Redemption! Who would have guessed that hidden somewhere in that sticky-sweet Bieber dross would be anything vaguely musical.

And then, as so often happens on the interwebs, details of an alleged hoax emerge.

More, from the MTV Newsroom:

But it turns out the track was constructed by an ambient collective from Milwaukee called Photon Wave Orchestra. The tracks is actually one continuous EP called Echoes Across the Astral Wasteland and is available for a free download.

Or is the existence of Photon Wave Orchestra (which, admittedly, sounds a little bit fake) just a huge hoax? The date on the blog post where the EP is posted is April 1, 2010, which is of course April Fool’s Day. There’s at least one link that describes Photon Wave Orchestra as a group from South Korea, which also seems slightly off. A look at the “band’s” RSS feed reveals that the track was actually posted on August 16, so perhaps the track is actually “U Smile” sped way, way down.

Sigh. Just like Justin himself, nothing seems to be very clear at all.

[Source : MTV News]