Predators is a sequel to Predator and Predator 2. Since it’s no longer cool to add a number to denote how many times a blockbuster title has been exploited, unless you’re going straight-to-video or you’re a superhero… it gets the imaginative reworking, Predators. Now it’s been a good 23 years since Arnie busted a Predator’s chops in the original and in that time we’ve seen a former Mr. Universe and Hollywood action hero go into politics and a spin-off, AVP: Alien vs. Predator with its own sequel.

Schwarzenegger may have switched to politics because he couldn’t win an Oscar, but Predator almost did it – thanks to late special effects wizard, Stan Winston, who was nominated for an Oscar for creating this “pretty” beast. A lot changes in two decades and that’s why Adrien Brody will not be running for Governor and Predators will not be nominated for anything in the upcoming Academy Awards… shame.

Catch the rest of the review and the trailer after the jump…

The 1987 actioner with Schwarzenegger taking charge as Dutch was the equivalent of pitting Rambo vs. Alien for its time, a classic that has stood the test of time *clink, clink*. John McTiernan was at the top of his game, following this little jungle gem up with the best action movie of all-time, you may have heard of it… Die Hard (1988) and then tipping his hat again with another Scottish bloke at the second peak of his career with The Hunt for Red October (1990). Predator was the film that put Carl Weathers on the map and launched a tough guy film career for Bill Duke, creating a symbolic Vietnam triumph in an era in which Hollywood and America was preoccupied with NAM: Platoon (1986), Full Metal Jacket (1987) and Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) to name a few…

Predator was a stand-alone classic… which is probably why moving the creature to an urban environment didn’t quite work in Predator 2 and why any sequel pales in comparison. Schwarzenegger’s Predator benefited from the novelty of the Action/Sci-Fi mash-up and the mystery behind the jungle stalker’s motives, appearance and background. Until it’s dramatic unmasking, no one knew what the hell was going on in the jungle or why hardened soldiers were being indiscriminately picked off like stray body hairs. The suspense was tied up in our uncertainty, not knowing if the heat-vision was human or alien with only a few breadcrumbs along the way. The gore factor was high with limbs being whipped off like band-aids and who can forget that skinned corpse hanging from the tree?

That was then… now Predator has become as toothless as a daddy long-legs spider and we’ve all heard the urban legends about how they’d actually be the most poisonous spiders in the world if it weren’t for their small fangs. The Predator creature design was probably even an inspiration for the physique of the Uruk-Hai of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings, but… and that’s a big but, now that we’ve seen what we’re up against – they’re not half bad. In fact, we would be more at peace standing up close at their cage’s bars than any of the real predators at our local zoo. Now they’re still far from cute or cuddly, but without the mystery, novelty or fear factor, Predators feels about as real as a round of laser quest at a 10-year-old’s sleepover party.

“Alas, poor Yorick they ate his brains!”

In essence, Robert Rodriguez, Troublemaker Studios and the Predators crew started a losing battle. Director, Nimrod Antal impressed with Vacancy, fumbled the ball on Armored and wasn’t able to pull the proverbial Predator out of the hat, despite the best of intentions in Predators. The production values are high, the casting has been more than generous for a “Part 3” with Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne and Topher Grace to boot, but the franchise reached a natural conclusion after the AVP saga turning the Predator creature into a character you’d expect to see in WWF’s Royal Rumble. The concept of integrating more players in a Ten Little Indians set-up is intriguing and the film-makers have even taken a few notes from the TV series, Lost. The problem is that Predators is just unnecessary from the get-go and Schwarzenegger’s Predator still holds up… even today.

An atypical Michael Bay remake of Predator would’ve made more sense right now, instead of trying to blood Adrien Brody as an action hero. He’s a strong dramatic actor, so it seems a little strange for Brody to trade his skeg in for a six-pack just to battle alien monsters in the jungle. More curious is Laurence Fishburne’s role, akin to Samuel L. Jackson’s noteworthy turn in Deep Blue Sea. Topher Grace proved he can do Action/Sci-Fi in Spider-Man 3, yet also seems a little out-of-place-and-sorts in Predators.

Predators is really a case of nice guys finish last. The concept has been stretched to the limit with the AVP saga and anything more than that would just be a greedy rehash. There’s a damp sense of the familiar in Predators, harking back to the heydays of ’80s action heroes, but it just doesn’t measure up. It’s got a dead air to it and no matter how cliched the team of assassin characters are… you’ve really got to do something miraculous to surpass expectations. Unfortunately, casting Adrien Brody as a tough guy doesn’t cut it!

Predators is just what you’d expect, a re-imagining of Predator‘s glory days with more bad-ass characters, uglier Predators and a couple of recognisable faces delivering workable performances. It’ll soak up an hour or two, but you’ll probably get more out of just watching the original Predator or Spy Kids again. (Sorry Nimrod!)

The bottom line: Standard.

Release Date: 6 August, 2010

Watch ‘Predators’ Trailer

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