I don’t know how this one slipped through the radar.
Just when I thought people weren’t churning out 100% pure uncut humour anymore, this Ben Folds vide from 2006 surfaces. It’s got him covering the song “Bitches Aint Shit” – the hard-core rap song originally by Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg. But he didn’t just cover it – he turned it into an actual song – with singing not rapping. But it’s not just a song, it done like a James Blunt type love song – but with the same rude lyrics.
Unadulterated genius right here.
You can listen to the original song here if you don’t know it (I went to SACS Junior school so obviously I know all about this stuff. I’ve experinced “the street,” my bru. Don’t even try talk to me about drive-bys… that shit happened the whole time on Dean Street).
I’ve copied the lyrics down below, so best would be to follow the link and load that up at the same time as watching this.
“Bitches Ain’t Shit”
[Chorus (Snoop (2X):]
Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks
Lick on these nuts and suck the dick
Get the fuck out after you’re done
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run…
[Dr. Dre]
I used to know a bitch named Eric Wright
We used to roll around and fuck the hoes at night
Tight than a motherfucker with the gangsta beats
And we was ballin’ on the motherfucking Compton streets
Peep, the shit got deep and it was on
Number one song after number one song
Long as my motherfucking pockets was fat
I didn’t give a fuck where the bitch was at
But she was hangin’ with a white bitch doin’ the shit she do
Suckin’ on his dick just to get a buck or two
And the few ends she got didn’t mean nothin’
Now she’s suing ’cause the shit she be doin’ ain’t shit
Bitch can’t hang with the streets, she found herself short
So now she’s takin’ me to court
It’s real conversation for your ass
[Snoop Doggy Dogg]
I once had a bitch named Mandy May
Used to be up in them guts like everyday
The pussy was the bomb, had a nigga on sprung
I was in love like a motherfucker lickin’ the pearl tongue
The homies used to tell me that she wasn’t no good
But I’m the maniac in black, Mr. Snoop Eastwood
So I figure niggaz wouldn’t trip with mine
Guess what? Got gaffled by one time
I’m back to the motherfucking’ county jail
6 months on my chest, now it’s time to bail
I get released on a hot sunny day
My nigga D.O.C. and my homey Dr Dre
Scooped in a coupe, Snoop we got news
Your girl was trickin’ while you was draped in your county blues
I ain’t been out a second
And already gotta do some motherfucking chin checking
Move up the block as we groove down the block
See my girl’s house, Dre, pass the glock
Kick in the door, I look on the floor
It’s my little cousin Daz and he’s fuckin’ my hoe, yo
(Bitches ain’t shit)
I uncocked my shit… I’m heart-broken but I’m still locked
Man, fuck a bitch!
[Chorus]
CLICK HERE to see a vid of Ben Folds performing the song live. It’s awesome. The audience sings along at the end. You will piss yourself.
[thanks chris]
