You know AB De Villiers, the South African cricket team’s star batsman?

Well, he’s singing now – the recorded kind. And, best of all, he’s making music videos for his moer lekker treffers.

In his powerful ballad, titled Maak Jou Drome Waar (“Make Your Dreams Come True), AB teams up with previously obscure but presumably popular generic Afrikaans “musician”, Ampie Du Preez to bring you an avalanche of hope, fist-clenching and standing around a strong jet of water to the point of looking intense.

This is solid gold, folks, and there’s just too much to write in one sitting. So we’re going to play a little game of pretend, OK? Pretend we’re side by side, watching Maak Jou Drome Waar. Are you ready? Take note of the keen insights below, they correspond directly to moments of sheer power/beauty/awe/confusion in the video.

Also, when we’re done, let’s pretend for AB’s sake that this never happened.

0:23 – Why is he hanging around playgrounds?

0:33 – What’s with the stethoscope? Is AB going to play “Doctor Doctor”?

0:38 – Giving gifts to unrelated kids on the playground is generally followed by cries of “Stranger Danger”.

0:56 – Why isn’t there a scene of AB riding a horse through early morning surf?

1:05 – Smouldering intensity in the last line of the chorus. Our man has a decent, if not pubescent, tenor on him.

1:10 – Woah, who was that?

1:18 – Stop! Stop the reel. Who’s the blonde chick? We need answers, people.

1:22  -AB just gave birth to Ampie. There’s an emotionally deep and terribly misguided metaphor in here, I KNOW it.

1:25 – Hey! Just check out the soft and feathery pedo-‘tache on Ampie! Closely followed by…

1:27 – Dude, you’re wearing eyeliner. You know this, right? Coz, you can feel it when people put eyeliner on you. K, just checking.

2:18 – Yoh! Ampie’s dood! Why did Ampie sacrifice himself?

2:23 – Or he’s actually doing backstroke?

2:43 – What’s going on here, AB? Are you giving that suicidal kid a shot of flaming Sambuca? Did Darren Scott teach you that? Didn’t I tell you not to hang around that guy? Next thing you know he’ll have you doing interpretive dance in your music videos. Oh wait.

3:10 – Again, where’s the beach horse riding scene?

3:15 – Once more, visually associating hot chicks with little girls in the park, maybe not the most considered idea.

3:26 – Why is there a Stellenbosch med student in the closing seconds? HANG ON! It’s the suicidal bastard who let Ampie fall to his death! Sorry guy, I just couldn’t recognise you with those ghastly Stellenbosch spectacles (that’s “brille”). Listen pal, being a GP doesn’t hide the fact that you’re so bad at killing yourself you end up offing other people in the process. Life’s tough like that.

Last question: Who spent the money on making this, and how much did they spend? Can I get some cash thrown at my bad ideas, maybe?

I’m just gonna put this out there – I didn’t really know what was going on the entire time. Generally speaking, narrative cohesion is a pretty key consideration to telling a story, so they should put some of that in there next time.

But chin up, AB. Captain Biff hit you up with a KFC sponsorship, didn’t he?

Maak jou drome waar, man.

[Thank you, oh THANK YOU, Dereck]