Deep-fried food fanatic and part-time Saint Bernard impersonator, Brendan Seery, took to his arse-end-of-the-Weekend-Argus column with a blunt knife this weekend. I had never heard of, nor read this fellow before and I must say, I’ve got nothing but love for him. How lucky we are to have a traditional media columnist, (who, according to recent Nielsen demographic data, does not fall into the 2oceansvibe audience), naively protesting about why 2oceansvibe Radio does not appeal to him.

Exactly my friend – it doesn’t, and it shouldn’t appeal to you.

  

Seery begins with his high-school-teacher red marker pen, proudly proclaiming how many press releases land on his desk and how ruthless he is with his scoring – often marking them down for grammatical errors. The recent 2oceansvibe Radio press release landed on “Sir’s” desk and he confirms/rants that he would have forgotten about it, had it not been for another publication who “actually” used the release, “reminding” him of how “awful” it was.

I should begin by saying that you may well be the one who should be doing his homework, Sir. Because if you did do your homework, you would have realised that the Weekend Argus also published a piece on 2oceansvibe Radio last weekend. Quite favourably, I might add. Interesting that your very own publication “actually” followed up on the story as well. A week before you did, evidently.

Seery called for some substantiated facts in response to 2oceansvibe Radio’s claim of having built up “an impressive following,” labeling it (the claim) “rubbish.” 4,000 individual listeners is the figure you’re looking for, Brandon. 4,000 individual people (from 2oceansvibe.com’s basket of 55,000 unique readers) who have tuned in to a weekly two-hour test-transmission show, prompted by a tweet here and a blog post there. Not the end of the world, most would agree. This is of course before we go live, daily, with Richard Hardiman, from 8am to 12pm.

On that note (Richard Hardiman moving across from KFM), the description “just another jock behind a microphone” was used. Yes, I agree, that is exactly what the mainstream DJ’s are (with all due respect to them) – thank you for confirming it. The contact I have received from a number of other well-known SA DJ’s reaffirms that they (and therefore the listeners as well?) are, essentially, stuck in a rut – a rut where the suits dictate what is said and what music is played.

While this kind of programming might (and clearly does) appeal to you, you will be quite surprised how many of us are looking for something different. Believe it or not, some of us would prefer greater variety, including something less scripted and corporate and, dare I say it, run by the government. Imagine a station where the DJ can play a song he thought of on the way to the studio? Or a DJ who is allowed to get sidetracked.. Take that, and add some commercials for brands that I actually use! My God – what a revelation!

By the way, Brenton, no one claimed KFM would be “quivering in their boots” – on the contrary, we have a great relationship with the likes of KFM and feel that they are targeting their market (you) beautifully. If you had read the whole release, you would have understood that by “shakeup” we were referring to the emergence of a more niche audience. An audience which (until now) has been completely ignored. I didn’t see you at the 2010 Cannes International Advertising Festival but, if you did attend (or at least done some research), you would have come across the overwhelming need for “clutter busting.” That’s what people want – someone to sift through the crap for them and give them filtered content. Content that suits them and only them. That’s what we do at 2oceansvibe.

And with niche audiences come niche advertisers – another subject Seery raised. He suggested that they are not the “sort of audience advertisers would be interested in.” No, of course not – why would any advertisers be drawn to this high-end audience who are so desperate to escape from the mass-media template, that they are willing to tune-in via their uncapped broadband internet lines and iPhone-to-car radio setups. Bishopscourt mothers listening to 2OV Radio streaming through their iPhones via bluetooth in their VW Touaregs – not appealing to advertisers? Get real.

By the way, no-one is “fiddling” with their computers, Brent. Whilst you might be armed with a Nokia 3310, we’re simply streaming radio to our cars and the office and home – sometimes via smart phone and 3G, sometimes via computer. It’s quite normal in LA, London and New York. We are currently in discussions with a leading chain of coffee shops in South Africa who are very keen to broadcast 2oceansvibe Radio every morning to their patrons. Maybe you can pop in and have a listen there?

Look, I wouldn’t expect you to understand this shit – I don’t understand you either. Not that I don’t have respect for you – I mean, you are the mass market and that’s fantastic. What’s more you are behaving just as they hoped you would. Who would need more than the SABC? you asked. Precisely – you carry on bowing at that temple. You do realise that their broadcasting is not impartial and recent reports confirm that they are controlled by the ANC, right? Fine by me if that’s the way you want to live.

I remember the day the iPad launched around the world – a pretty significant technological development. As a result it was front page of every major newspaper in the world. Not here.. In fact, on that day I heard a news report on a local radio station – not a mention of the iPad – but plenty to say about a poacher in Gansbaai who was caught with over 200 Periwinkles in his bakkie.

  
iPad vs periwinkles

Now that might interest you, Brent, but do you mind if this niche-yet-pretty-fucking-large audience finds another place to call home? We’ll pop-in now and then, to keep tabs on the Zuma/Malema/Crime/ fear mongering soap-opera when something actually does happen, but apart from that we will be listening to content that is real and controlled by a DJ who is saying and playing what his audience think and want. You see, talking about worldly and relevant (to this audience – stuff they ACTUALLY talk about over dinner) topics is what we do here.

At the end of the day, my darling child, we’re not having a go at you, yet you feel so insulted by the press release. Why are you on attack mode? If you don’t “get” something, rather just leave it alone. No-one expects you to understand – you should just carry on as before. But to expose yourself and simultaneously vindicate the target of your wrath, doesn’t look very clever. In fact, it makes you look downright ignorant.

By the way – did you catch the story about the UK completely shutting down the FM radio signal by 2015? That’s right – gone in five years – replaced by digital (including internet radio). Quite valid, I think you would agree, given your aimless uninformed rant? You should check it out. But be careful, although originally in print, the stories can now be accessed “online.”

You’re adorable.

Seth
xxx

ps. Please feel free to pop-in and visit our studio/shop-space at the Cape Quarter, where you can watch the action as it happens. Live daily from 26 July. Should be fun – especially with the live guests we will have on the show. 2oceansvibe Media’s guests in the past have included everyone from John Smit and Helen Zille to Wonderbra models, Goldfish, Just Jinjer, Jack Parow and Titanic star Billy Zane. Now the general public can watch it as it happens!

Our music is being enjoyed as well, as we switch from Rihanna to Jack Parow to AC/DC to the Bee Gees to Pearl Jam to Just Jinjer to Elton John to Marvin Gaye to McCully Workshop to David Bowie to Die Antwoord (playing the uncensored versions of songs – as the artist intended) to Rolling Stones to Snoop Dogg to Red Hot Chili Peppers To Amy Winehouse to Portishead to Michael Jackson to The Killers to Goldfish to Dirty Skirts to Katy Perry to Traveling Wilburys to De La Soul to Kenny Rogers to Dr Dre… and so on and so forth..