Video Of Barack Obama Looking for Some “Ass” To “Kick” – Just yesterday (I think) we told you about Barack Obama looking to “kick some ass.” I thought it was a fairly big story and it looks like I was right – turned on CNN and it’s like Obama and Ass everywhere! It’s actually pretty hilarious – the leader of the free world going around kicking ass. Obama kicks it, Zuma taps it. All of it. [yourface]

Lavish Praise For New iPhone – iPhone 4 reviews are streaming in! Steve Jobs boldly claims his new gadget will “change everything–all over again.” So will it? Although they have mixed feelings about the phone’s glass exterior, reviewers have thus far heaped praise on Apple’s “totally new animal,” which has been called “so thin it’s kind of mind-boggling,” “elegant,” and even “sexy.” [huffers]

Whatya Got Under That Burqa? – Remember when old white dudes used to sit around in places like 19th century Egypt and pontificate on questions like “why are the Muslim people so backwards?” and “I wonder what that woman looks like under that veil? I bet she’s a real tiger in the bedroom.” This is called “Orientalism”. and Liaison Dangereuse, a German lingerie company, dig it. [alenthemag]

Saudi Clerics Call For Adult Breast-Feeding – In a surprising development, two senior Saudi clerics today said that Saudi Arabia’s women should give their breast milk to male colleagues and acquaintances in order to safeguard the Islamic law that forbids mixing between the sexes. They failed to reach an agreement among each other on how the milk should be conveyed. Understandably. [timesnewsline]

God Kills Woman Before Man Proposes – In a fiery twist of fate, Richard Butler lost his future wife after she was struck by lightning. They were hiking to the top of a hill, where he planned to propose. But then… BANG! The big question is, did God do it because he knew she would be a complete handful later in life? Or did God know she would say no, and wanted to save our boy the pain? I tell you, the Lord works in mysterious ways! [guardian]

LA Closes Down 439 Medical Marijuana Shops – While everyone is carrying on about some silly oil spill, a far bigger disaster is underway in Los Angeles, as 439 medical marijuana shops have been ordered to close. Why are they doing this, you ask? I have the same questions, my friend. And, more importantly, what am I going to do next time I’m in Marina del Rey? [time]

Runaway Elephant Goes on Gentle Rampage in Switzerland – Sabu, a five-ton elephant, escaped from the circus and wandered through Zurich last night, terrifying locals but doing surprisingly little damage. Sabu swam in Lake Zurich and was filmed strolling through the city’s shopping and financial districts. [gawker]

Grace Jone’s Ripoff, Lady Gaga, Releases New Video – Mask and hat woman unleashed a video today for her track “Alejandro” — and while the ditty is a Spanish-style salute to intense suitors everywhere, the visuals are more on par with a band of methadone patients traveling the Eastern Bloc with a production of “Cabaret.” Ooh, quick Gaga, put on a crazy mask and show us your vagina! [latimesblog]

Make Homosexuals Marry – This is hilarious. Watch it. Meet Devin & Glenn–two gents who met, fell in love, got married, and then had to deal with the consequences of that decision. From obnoxious in-laws (Tom Arnold) to passive aggressive fights over dinner, Devin & Glenn have the same problems that most married couples deal with–and that’s the point. [joemygod]

Thomas Catlin Is Losing Traction – Jeez, guys – come on!! We told you that 2oceansviber Thomas Catlin was about to win the Hurley Surf competition. We asked you to vote but now he has slipped to third position. SERIOUSLY GUYS, come on! Follow the link and vote so he can go on the surf trip of a lifetime. It’s literally one click to give him his dream! [votehere]

Google Gooooooooooooooooooal! Easter Egg – You gotta give Google credit for being so on the ball! Ooooh – sorry! Ok check it out – right now, the South Africa World Cup is only 2 days away. I can’t wait for the kick off, neither can Google: If you search for World Cup, you will get this Easter Egg. [gizmodo]

Puma Supports African Conservation – Puma has chosen six African conservation projects as finalists in a competition, with the winning project set to receive a substantial cash donation from the sale of Puma Africa Unity Kit. Your vote decides the winner! 2OV’s pick: The African Lion! [Facebook / Kafue Lion Project]

[thanks mike, henk, nico]