Touch Me On My Studio – This video clip will be remembered for a very long time. It features AWB General Secretary, Andre Visagie, storming out of ETV News Show, “Africa 360.” He then came back and threatened everyone and then it got physical, with different men threatening each other to touch themselves on their studios. I don’t know what that means but something inside me craves a T-shirt with those words on it. It’s also begging for a dance track. They’ve already mixed it with MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This. [sarocks]

Malema Calls BBC Journalist “Bastard” – What a charming young man! Check video here. Malema: “This is a building of a revolutionary party and you know nothing about revolution so here you behave or else you jump,” he said, speaking from Luthuli House in the Johannesburg CBD. “Chief, can you get security to remove this thing here?” he requested of staff present on Luthuli House’s 11th floor, the venue for most party media briefings. [mail&guardian]

iPhone OS 4: The Best New Features – The curtain has been pulled back on iPhone 4, and the list of new features is massive: There’s multitasking (finally!), a refreshed interface, and literally hundreds of other changes, all coming this summer. Here’s the rundown. The new OS will ship in June (Fall for iPad, and a developer preview is available today, so we can expect to have plenty of apps updated and ready for launch. [gizmodo]

Tiger Woods Returns To Golf – Tiger Woods returned to golf by posting his best opening-round score at the Masters Tournament. That still wasn’t good enough to match two senior tour players. Fred Couples, 50, leads after a 6-under-par 66 yesterday at Augusta National Golf Club. Tom Watson, a 60-year-old two-time Masters champion, is among five players, including another two- time champion, Phil Mickelson, one shot back at 5-under par. [bloomberg]

Tiger Drives Masters Ticket Prices Sky High – The prices of Masters tickets have gone waaaay over par, thanks to the participation of one Eldrick “Tiger” Woods. The New York Post reports seeing four-day tickets, which typically sell for about $2,500, going for $7,500, but as you can see from this screenshot, they’ve been offered for as much as $12,500 on eBay. “The Tiger effect has more than tripled prices,” says one broker. [newser]

Airplane With Banner Sends Message To Tiger – An airplane yesterday flew over the Masters 2010 golf tournament, mocking Tiger Woods with the message “Did You Mean Bootyism?”, referring to how Tiger was resorting to Buddhism to regain control of his life. The plane was scheduled to go over that zone while Tiger was teeing off at Augusta National golf club. According to TMZ, the man who paid for this message had a second one coming: “SEX ADDICT? YEAH. RIGHT. SURE. ME TOO!” [tpi]

Nike Unveils New Tiger Woods Commercial – Nike has unveiled the new Tiger Woods commercial, featuring his late father Earl’s voice. The sports brand, one of the few sponsors that stayed behind the 34-year-old athlete after his infidelity scandal broke, will run the ad for a short time only on ESPN and the Golf channel. The controversial golfer didn’t do much in the 30-second ad except for blink a few times and look very remorseful. [ibtimes]

North Korea To Train In Zimbabwe – North Korea will train in Zimbabwe before the World Cup, after they were the only one of five competing nations to accept a request from the Zimbabwean government to come to the country. Zimbabwe’s tourism minister Walter Mzembi said that a quintet of teams, including England and the United States, were asked to boost the tourism industry with a visit, but that only North Korea confirmed their stay. Funny, that. [espn]

Lindsay Lohan’s Train Wreck Week – Lindsay Lohan has had a rough week. Her father announced his plans to put her into rehab against her will, then announced his engagement to her former assistant, causing her to want to vomit. Lindsay was spotted out partying until 6 a.m. Wednesday morning and pulled a second all-nighter Wednesday night. Earlier in the week she was also snapped sporting a new tattoo on her arm that reads “i’m a star i’m a star.” Here are some shots from last night. Does she look like a train wreck? You decide. [huffstuff]

Former Sex Pistols Manager and Punk Renaissance Man, Dead at 64 – Malcolm McLaren, the former Sex Pistols manager who is credited with helping form the legendary U.K. punk band, has died at the age of 64 after a battle with cancer. “He had been suffering from cancer for some time, but recently had been full of health, which then rapidly deteriorated,” McLaren’s spokesman Les Molloy told The Independent. [rollingstone]

Apple iPad Factory Workers Driven To Suicide – Four attempted suicides represents a big cluster, over such a small period of time. It also coincides with the iPad launch timescale–there must have been stiff pressure from Apple for Foxconn to deliver its initial shipment in time, and you can bet that pressure hasn’t abated as they’ll also have been pushing for the follow-on batch to arrive swiftly.Work! Work! Harder! Harder! [fastcompany]

Foreclosure Of Nic Cage’s “bizaar” Mansion Is A Flop – After a rapid-fire spiel by the auctioneer, the bidding was opened at $10.4 million, far less than the $35 million that Cage had tried unsuccessfully to sell the house for. To put it mildly, the house, though impressive, was not to everyone’s taste. A real estate agent described the interiors as “fascinating and bizarre.” “The design was ‘frat house bordello,’ ” Parsons said. “There must have been 300 comic book covers elaborately framed and hanging on the walls.” [latimes]

[thanks andy, jess, graham, brad]