Jumping jellyfish! Bafana Bafana have just won two games in one week! Sure, it was only Swaziland and Zimbabwe, but it’s a start. It’s like a heated game of Risk – you need to get people on Papua New Guinea and conquer the small countries before you can win.

With only 132 days, 17 hours and five minutes left until the Fifa World Cup, according to my watch, time is running out for the WAGS to prepare for the main event. This is a serious situation. I have very reliable sources who tell me that for a casual drink (with friends) a girl needs about 47 minutes to get ready, and for a full-on date it’s closer to an hour and 47. So for a large-scale global event like the Soccer World Cup, 132 days is about right.  Gadzooks, that leaves only 17 stress-free hours for football WAGS worldwide.

The term WAGS – Wives and Girlfriends of Sportsmen – was coined at the 2006 World Cup when Posh and Chezza got drunk and bought out the entire contents of every shop in Baden Baden. With time running out, concern has to be creeping in for Bafana, as their reputation as a WAGtastic team isn’t exactly prevalent.

Read on after the jump…

I’ve done a bit of research, and after browsing through a couple of WAGS Top 20 charts, I’ve managed to unearth some disastrous stats. In short, none of Bafana Bafana’s wives or girlfriends make it onto the charts. Not even the Top 400 list I found on page 17 of my Google search, which included reserves. (Incidentally, I see that Tiger has his own WAGS Top 20). Anyways, now I’m sure many of you out there are thinking, ‘Ah well, who cares about footballers’ wives and ladies,’ but the harsh reality we face is this: sport is 85% mental, 14% protein shake and 1% brains. So when these Gods of football hit our shores later this year with the likes of Abigail Clancy, Colleen ‘the chavette’ Rooney, Chezza Cole and Posh, the WAG Queen herself in tow, our poor Bafana squad are in for a mental bludgeoning. How can we expect them to beat a team with women like that behind them? You’re going to lose a bit of verbal banter every time. Of course if you’re playing Slovakia that doesn’t matter. I don’t even know how to make the S with a triangle on it.

We can’t field a side without one player boasting a WAG on a Top 100 list somewhere in the world. In fact, it is such a serious situation that I’m going to publish the very first SA Sports WAGS Top 10 next week.

The WAGS dream is the ambition for so many. It’s a fast track to fame and fortune and a chance to wear a façade of glitz and glamour beneath the lights of the paparazzi. It’s St Tropez spray-on tans, French manicures and handbags with oversized letters on them. It’s Sandton Square at 11am on a weekday, it’s cocktails and boutique-shop shopping sprees.

If Bafana Bafana are going to prove themselves at the World Cup they’re going to need WAGS in tow. I’m all for it. Feel free to add your suggestions of who should make the first ever SA Sports WAG Rankings Top 10 list below or by tweeting @chowgaps.

We bumped into one of SA’s WAGS when Overtohugh visited Hanyani Shimange this week. Shimmi’s preparing for life after rugby. Check out his version of ‘Pants on the Ground’ at www.overtohugh.co.za!

Chowgaps

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