So we had that whole 2010 World Cup Draw vibe, hey? Wow – very cool vibe! Why did 2oceansvibe Character “The Barndog“ have to be one of the main okes on the stage and involved with the picking of the balls? I’ll tell you why – because it’s like that, and that’s the way it is. Good work, John, you looked gorgeous.

Charlize Theron and that French guy
“A trip for two to Benoni!

A lot has been said about Charlize Theron‘s vibe that evening. I don’t know, I thought she was ok. The Muse disapproved, I can tell you that much – something about her dress and fashionista vibe in general (I think the correct industry term used was “kak”). For me, I thoroughly enjoyed how they didn’t know what to do or say to get off the stage at the end.

“Umm, where are we going now?”

“Oh! Over there! Whoops! Haha!”

Blind. What a fuckup – but it’s cool you-know, that’s just how we roll here..

One things for sure – she certainly must have got a lot of street cred amongst the Hollywood A-listers. Come on, seriously – hosting a World Cup draw? It’s quite a big vibe. You know. For them. Not for me. I hosted Noordhoek’s version of “Idols” at Cafe Roux the other day. Now that’s a big deal. Talk to me when you’ve taken things to that kind of level – then at least we’ve got some common ground.

Why you touching me?

So, we’re (Bafana Bafana) in a pool with MARCO POLO..

“Marco!”

“Polo!”

“Marco!”

“Polo!”

“FISHY!!”

“No ways! My hand was in the water!”

“No it wasn’t! I saw you!”

“But you’re not allowed to look if you’re Marco!”

nailed..

Sorry. So, we’re (Bafana Bafana) in a pool with MARCO POLO Uruguay, Mehico and France. People seem quite worried about it. There is no need – I’ve played against most of those sides and I reckon we can get through to the second round. And even if we play kak, there is a lot to be said for pulling out some classic angles – like poisoning the other sides (is Suzie still around?) and anyway, as my Camps Bay Vida e buddies tell me, the noise of the vuvuzelas will, quite literally, make the opponents mad.

People always ask where you were when certain global events occurred..

John F Kennedy
Smiling, as a man, unbeknownst to him, aims a gun at him

Like the JFK assassination (before my time – I was still dead – although a lot of people say I carry his spirit), the death of Princess Diana (I was with my mother), the Twin Towers attacks (at the old Claremont digs with my housemates and Pauly Mac), the death of Michael Jackson (on the floor of my bedroom in France, writing an article – weeping). And now we have a new one – where were YOU for the draw of the 2010 World Cup.

I’ll tell you where I was – I was having dinner at The Muse’s mother’s place with her sister, brother-in-law and mother. We were on the balcony, overlooking Bree and Wale Streets, admiring the mayhem. But that won’t be the highlight I will recall from that evening, when I think back to in for years to come. Oh no, my friend – we had some very real highlights that night!

A stuntman – on fire

We had been drinking nicely and Mike (The Muse’s brother-in-law) and I may even have had a joint. I don’t know. I can’t remember. But what i CAN remember was the part where I posed for a picture with The Muse’s mother, as we both waved around our sparklers.

Nano-seconds later, we both noticed that a spark from the sparkler had fallen on her loose shirt, which had caught alight and was now on fire. No spice. We gave it a quick pat but, because we hadn’t noticed early enough (she had a shirt on underneath so it only became apparent a bit late), it was not enough to douse the flames.

She couldn’t take it over her head either, as her hair would have easily caught alight. To cut a long story short, we managed to rip the shirt of her, as she stood, quite literally, on fire – like a stuntman. I swear to God – the debris showed that AT LEAST half her entire shirt had been burnt away. It was an absolute mind fuck.

Honestly – you’ve never! I’ll show you the blisters from ripping apart the burning shirt. The summer I spent as a volunteer for the New York Fire Department really paid off.

She was not harmed at all and retreated to the bedroom. To her bed. Where she canned herself laughing for half an hour.

So, ja… in terms of “action,” I don’t feel I “missed out” by not going to Long Street.

Plus I’ve got a pretty crazy story to tell in ten years time when they ask “where were YOU for the 2010 World Cup Draw!?”

“Interesting story, actually… grab a seat..”

[by the way, if you’re looking to buy tickets – you can buy them here]