Just when you thought 2010 was the year, undisputed “Master of Disaster”, Roland Emmerich (Independence Day) brings us 2012, a doomsday, apocalypse, cataclysm, “it’s the end of the world as we know it”, catastrophe of a film to rival The Day After Tomorrow… another “SimEarth” Emmerich blockbuster.

Earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, volcanoes, parking tickets, 2012 is meant to be the film to end all disaster films period… Cusack is 2012’s star, cast alongside Chiwetel Ejiofor (Tsunami), who are supported by an ensemble including: Oliver Platt as a greasy yes man, Danny Glover as Mr. President, Woody Harrelson as a complete nut job, Thandie Newton as the first daughter, Roland Emmerich as “God” and Amanda Peet as… well, herself.

Catch the rest of the review and the trailer after the jump…

It’s a monster of a film… spanning the globe with non-stop doomsday action for 158 minutes! Emmerich has never been afraid to bend science and history/the future to his will and 2012 is no different. It’s based on the theory that the Mayan Meso-American civilization’s calendar predicts the end of the world on 21 December, 2012… seriously hope it’s not your birthday.

Luckily, this prediction is not accepted by “respected” science or even Mayan culture, since the doomsday prophecy and date are a Western concept, which ties in with astrological events in the Milky Way. So before you start digging a bomb shelter in your backyard, stockpiling Twinkies, hyperventilating or even calling your Mom, I’d suggest you take Dr. Phil’s advice: buy a brown paper bag, breathe and repeat to yourself “Everything’s going to be okay…” mmmkay.

It’s no secret, Emmerich makes epic movies. He’s like Jerry Bruckheimer and Uwe Boll’s love child with writer-director credits for The Patriot, Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, Stargate, 10,000 B.C. and Godzilla. 2012 falls into the same mold that most of his films do… it’s all about the popcorn, baby! “Screw history, leave science to the nerds, ‘fok’ the critics… I’m here to make big-ass movies!” While I’m not quoting the man directly or at all, it’s certainly the impression you get of him after watching some of the monolithic beasts he unleashes on the big screen!

2012 works when it comes to likable characters, starring two of the nicest Hollywood guys you could possibly imagine with Cusack and Ejiofor leading the charge. The element of humanity is another great, yet melodramatic aspect to 2012 with some tear-jerking moments in who gets saved and who doesn’t… shame, with plenty of heroic self-sacrificing along the way. All I’m saying is, either get a job at the White House or just make sure you’ve got 1 Billion Euros tucked away… in case of emergencies.

2012 also juggles genres, moving swiftly between action, adventure, comedy, drama and science fiction. The human factor and genre mix is what actually saves 2012 from being a complete dud. The performances are good enough to hold your attention and the story is thrilling and intriguing enough to keep you watching. It’s actually surprising how quickly the three hours vanish… as we’re transported from trailer-to-trailer, country-to-country, disaster-to-disaster, escape-to-escape, melodrama-to-melodrama, corpse-to-corpse… and so on, it’s like watching CNN.

“When they tell you not to panic…
that’s when you run.” – Chicken Little

While 2012 certainly isn’t the disaster film to end all disaster films as Emmerich had masterminded, it makes an interesting tapestry of themes from just about every other epic disaster movie that’s ever been made: The Towering Inferno, Dante’s Peak, Titanic, The Day After Tomorrow,  The Core, War of the Worlds, Armageddon and even Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Unfortunately, Emmerich doesn’t manage to tie a big red bow on this massive production, the gaping plot holes make 2012 look like Swiss cheese and some convoluted aspects of the story defy all reason… but hey, just like a cheap tattoo, you’ll love it if you don’t pick at it too much!

2012 is way too long, and too far away in the distant future for our hedonistic culture to care, just ask Al Gore! Sure, it’s Emmerich’s last disaster flick… blah blah blah, but that doesn’t give a writer-producer-director license to put our butts to sleep!? The film could have been trimmed down to just under two hours, but “God”… I mean Roland pretty much does as he pleases with his 158 minute “buttbuster” director’s cut.

The movie also relies too heavily on CGI, a criticism that’s almost become a trademark for the German filmmaker. He strikes a better balance in 2012 than he did with 10,000 B.C., but still hurls massive set pieces at us that could have been lifted from a video game intro or worse yet, a life insurance commercial. The escape scenes have real atmosphere, but it’s difficult to fool the human eye with bad CGI… I mean how many times can you cheat death in a limo?

Apart from the run time, the high-concept deception, CGI overload and intermittent melodramatic goodbyes… 2012 is pretty entertaining, a feast for the eyes. The movie trailer (below) gives you a good idea of what to expect and it’s great to watch a robust Hollywood cast giving it a full go… actually acting.

2012 may not be the smartest disaster film out there, but it sure packs a punch when it comes to entertainment and provides that much-needed dose of commercial escapism. I guess the best thing about 2012… is that you can leave the cinema thinking – I had to pay 40-odd “Ront” to see 2012, but hey, it’s not like it’s the end of the world. Seriously… it isn’t!

The bottom line: Unwieldy.

Release date: 4 December, 2009

Watch Official 2012 Trailer

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