So the Boks are taking on Ireland at Croke Park. If we lose on Saturday – of course, I hope we don’t – but if we do, I would like to take this opportunity to prepare all South Africans for the next wave of entertaining Sunday morning headlines, right out of the top drawer. I can see it now, ‘Boks Croke against Ireland!’ Or, ‘The Boks get a Paddywhack!’

The trouble is, those pretty much only work at the expense of Ireland. South Africa isn’t really a funny nation. Hang on, I just thought of another one, ‘Div, the latest Irish Joke!’ As I was saying, us Safas don’t seem to be a ha-ha nation. (Or a LOL nation for the Facetweet community.) All other countries out there have a harmless chapter in their history, which reporters with funny hats and very small notebooks can poke fun at for our reading pleasure. Just not us, I don’t get it?

Read the rest of article, plus TV times after the jump

And why is it that we have to wait until a Sunday morning to see glimmers of wit grace our pages? Why are these pen-wizards not working during the week? South African editors moan week in and week out about plummeting newspaper sales, while front-page headlines boast about as much creativity as a chartered accountant on a drinking binge. It doesn’t need to be groundbreaking, it just needs to be a little more than ‘copy and paste’ from the piece below.

In all seriousness though, what a great job! How great would it be to be the Title Man at the Cape Times? The trouble is, there isn’t such a job, and because of that we’re all affected. You even feel it if you’re a new-age Mytube user that doesn’t buy the Times because you want more trees growing in Newlands. You see, today, ahead of the SA vs England cricket clash, one of the cricket headlines reads, ‘Smith and Strauss both determined!’ Robin Jackman then picks up the paper, reads that headline and then talks about how ‘Smith and Strauss are both determined’ on the television. We then, in turn, sit at home and have to listen to how ‘Smith and Strauss are both determined,’ and people wonder why 50 overs of cricket is so mind-numbingly, drool-out-the-corner-of-your-mouth boring. The answer to entertainment isn’t to play four bars of Sean Paul’s latest hit single between balls, it’s to employ the Title Man at the Cape Times.

I’ve taken the liberty to come up with today’s rugby headline. I’m happy to consider the job at the Times. See image and caption.

As much as I’d like to see some entertainment on the sports pages on Sunday, I’d far rather have a Bok win against Ireland on Saturday. John Smit’s latest tweet says ‘Been a good week, I’m back at hooker for the weekend so looking forward to a great game between two great teams, what a game to end the year on!’ One can see raw, natural SA commentating talent already. To see current quality, check out www.overtohugh.co.za for the latest chat between Hugh Bladen and the Coach!

The Proteas come to Newlands today to mend scars from their last encounter against the English as the Mother City hosts SA’s defence to put a handbrake on a potential sixth ODI loss against England in a row. Then, of course, we haven’t lost to England at Newlands since readmission in 1991. All in all, it should be entertaining, especially if you haven’t managed tickets to the game because SKY Sports commentary will now also be available to DSTV subscribers!

That being said, there is a lot more on the box this weekend. Check out times below…

Love Chowgaps

FRIDAY

14:00-23:00 Cricket SA Cricket: South Africa v England 3rd ODI SS2

16:00-19:15 Tennis ATP World Tour 1000 (ATP Masters): Atp World Tour Finals Singles SS6

SATURDAY

05:30-10:30 Golf WGC: Omega Mission Hills World Cup Day 3 SS1

16:00-18:45 Rugby Irish Int Rugby Ireland v South Africa: SS1

19:00-21:15 Rugby Welsh Int Rugby Wales v Australia SS1

21:30-23:45 Rugby French Int Rugby France v New Zealand SS1

05:45-14:00 Cricket Indian Cricket: India v Sri Lanka 2nd Test Day 5 SS2

16:00-19:45 Tennis ATP World Tour 1000 (ATP Masters): Atp World Tour Singles SF 1 SS2

22:15-01:45 Tennis ATP World Tour 1000 (ATP Masters): Atp World Tour Singles SF 2 SS2

16:30-19:00 Soccer B Premier League: Portsmouth v Manchester Utd SS3

19:00-21:30 Soccer Premier League: Aston Villa v Tottenham (Hd) SS3

22:55-01:00 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Sevilla v Malaga SS3

15:00-18:00 Soccer Super Diski: PSL: Free State Stars v Mamelodi Sundowns SS4

19:30-23:00 Soccer Super Diski: PSL: Santos v Ajax Cape Town SS4

00:30-09:00 Cricket Pakistan Cricket: New Zealand v Pakistan 1st Test Day 5 SS5

16:55-18:55 Soccer Premier League: Blackburn v Stoke City SS5

01:45-10:00 Cricket Aus Cricket: Australia v West Indies 1st Test Day 3 SS6

16:15-18:30 Rugby Scotland Int Rugby Scotland v Argentina SS6

19:30-21:30 Rugby Guinness Premiership: Rnd 9 – Bath Rugby v London Irish SS6

16:55-19:00 Soccer Premier League: Man City v Hull City SS7

SUNDAY

05:30-10:30 Golf  WGC: Omega Mission Hills World Cup Day 4 SS1

01:45-09:30 Cricket Aus Cricket: Australia v West Indies 1st Test Day 4 SS2

09:30-18:30 Cricket SA Cricket: South Africa v England 4th ODI SS2

15:00-17:30 Soccer B Premier League: Everton v Liverpool (Hd) SS3

17:30-19:55 Soccer Premier League: Arsenal v Chelsea (Hd) SS3

19:55-21:55 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Barcelona v Real Madrid SS3

21:55-00:00 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Atletico Madrid v Espanyol SS3

15:00-18:00 Soccer Super Diski: PSL: Wits v Kaizer Chiefs SS4

16:00-20:30 Tennis ATP World Tour 1000 (ATP Masters): Atp World Tour Singles Final SS6