I wrote an article over a year ago about my experience at Mombasa Cafe , Cavendish Square, Claremont, Cape Town. I was moaning about the convenient joys of them being constantly empty, as well as the fact tat they did not serve Tabasco sauce (a big “no-no” as we know).

Mombasa Cafe – Cavendish Square

An excerpt from the article which I wrote LIVE, on location:

Not that I was going to judge them for being empty. The only waiter in the establishment welcomed me as I chose a seat, suggesting he brings me a lime and soda with the menu.

I opened up my divine little Sony Vaio laptop as the drink arrived.

My SHOCKING toasted chicken mayonnaise experience at the Kelvin Grove pool on Friday (where I chilled before getting ready to watch Rupert Mellor and the Thunderbirds in the Kelvin Grove ballroom) had left me yearning for a decent variation, so I gave my order to the waiter.

“Toasted chicken mayo on wholewheat please with chips. Please also bring some cheap white vinegar, Tabasco sauce and a Hansa.” (They didn’t have Jack Black).

“We don’t have Tabasco sauce,” came the reply.

“Chrrrrrist, are you fucking serious?”

“Yes Sir”

“Must I go and buy some for you?” I asked.

“Heh heh,” he laughed nervously. “Can we make you some fresh chilli?”

“Yes,” I said. “I won’t use it but I want you to make it as punishment.”

Off he went to put in the order, as I decided to write this article. The beer never arrived as our boy fucked off out of the restaurant for over 10 minutes. I kept an eye on the bar to see when the beer would appear so that I could fetch it myself.

Freak Show came back and I asked him how the beer was looking. “Oh shit” came the reply as he sprinted to the till, realising he had forgotten to put the beer order in. Bearing in mind that I was and STILL AM the only person in the restaurant. WHAT a fucking knob-end!

He brought the beer and the food which was fine, I suppose.

Whilst I was eating I heard a discussion between him and the barman where he mentioned, somewhat surprised, that La Scala and MOST of the other restaurants in Cavendish Square were full.

Yes, my love, they are full.

And I am still the only person in your restaurant.

I wonder why.

I’m not saying the reason is because you don’t have Tabasco sauce – but I’m quite sure it’s helping your quest for zero turnover.

Good bye.

And now, more than a year later, the owners of the establishment GOOGLED their restaurant and found the aforementioned article.

So, firstly, a big welcome for the owners to 2009 and the internet in general. Welcome aboard!

This was their belated email response which came in this weekend (CAPS LOCK ATTACK warning):

From: Pat Pryce-Fitchen
Date: 01 November 2009 12:31:16 PM SAST
To: editor@2oceansvibe.com
Subject: Mombasa Cafe Cavendish

Your write up on Mombasa is way old …..10 march 2008

Please GO & EAT before you speak as its a NIGHT SUPPER VENU FORCED TO BE OPEN BY THE SHOPPING CENTERE TRADING HOURS.

THE BEST AFRICAN RESTAURANT In THE CAPE TOBASCO IS NOT AFRICAN BUT BECEAUSE SOME A>>>>OF A WAITER DID NOT KNOW THAT WE DO HAVE IT,!!!!!! YOU DONT PHONE ME OR ASK FOR THE MANAGER YOU JUST GIVE A BAD WTITE UP< I DONT EVEN WANT TO SELL TOASTED SARMIES BUT WHO EATS GRILLED EAST COAST SOLE AS 10 AM ?????

Fillet out of this world LAMB SHANK In THE MOROCCAN STYLE TO DIE FOR.

Mauritian prawn curry just BRILLIANT

Mombasa is so passionate about food that it makes 3 types of prawn curries all BRILLIANT The SWAHILI one sells by the ton!!!!! No tobasco BUT REAL EASTERN SPICES MAKING MOMBASAS FOOD WORLD CLASS

Potjies served at the table are also to die for

best spare ribs you ever had

Vegetarian foods fantastic
AND IT HAS ALWAYS HAD JIM Beam BLACK

I owned La Scala AS well at the time of your write up & ironicly MOMBASA CAFE has always had the HIGHER TURNOVER BY FAR…………..

You see if you can find better BURGERS ANY WHERE

Try an omelette

TRY A MARGARITA OR A COSMOPOLITAN BEST YOU EVER HAD

The owner cant always know what iddiottic things waters can do or SAY & its unfair to beline a brilliant restaurant beceause of some FOOL>
ALSO SADELY MANY MANAGERS ARE REALLY DAMERGERS!!!

PLEASE LET THE OWNERS KNOW

REGARDS

Pat Pryce-Fitchen
Owner OF the FANTASTIC & OFTEN PACKED AT NIGHT MOMBASA CAFE

Good for you, Pat – look at you go!!!

Passion!!! That’s what we like – beautiful shit!

I’ll be back…in the evening.

I just need to confirm that you definitely have Tabasco sauce? As well as the 2oceansvibe beverages of choice: including De Grendel wine, Jack Black beer, Boschendal Grande Cuvee Brut and Pussy Natural Energy Drink?

Please respond via the comments facility below this article.