So it’s official. The latest results reveal that right at this second, there are more Emos on the planet than ever before. Not only that, those in the know have suggested that the number will continue to increase significantly. Subsequent to learning this remarkable news, I lay awake last night trying desperately to define an Emo, until severe boredom sunk in.

So much so that I wondered through into the living room, settled on the couch with a glass of warm milk (because I didn’t close the fridge door properly the night before) and hunkered down to watch some woman on SABC something-or-other try to convince me to ring her, at only R400 a minute, to guess how many cats were on the screen. Not only am I poorer this morning, but I’m also no clearer on what an Emo is. I thought it was someone who dressed in something out of Sharon Osbourne’s closet and sniffed baby powder because it made you look like a rockstar.

Rest of the article plus TV times after the jump.

I shouted at some young, hip high schooler (with very tight jeans) this morning for a definition, and he said it was the new ‘in thing’. He also suggested that Emos thought some things called ‘Fall over boy’ and ‘Jimmy eats biscuits’ were cool. I smiled and said thanks. He didn’t smile. If I’m half right – and I take this kid’s description as golden – then as far as sport goes, this stat is terrfying. With the latest news of a constant population growth of Emos, we should be concerned about the lack of Emo presence in sport. We should be worrying about the creation of some Emo committee. A committee that will probably clog our Facetwit feeds and inboxes barking on about how Emo discrimination in sport is getting out of control, and how Emo integration is happening far too slowly.

In fact, I can’t come up with one professional Emo sportsman. Neither can my Google machine. At a stretch, we could consider the latest breaking news about the newest ‘bad boy’ in tennis, Andre Agassi. This week saw him admit to not only hating tennis, but also dabbling in crystal meth. Could he be the first Emo? What about ex-England rugby captain, Lawrence Dallaglio? In 1999 he was exposed to having been a dealer of hard drugs. Or even ‘Swiss Miss’ Martina Hingis? She misunderstood when they said cold coke after a game is the best medicine. The problem here is that none of the above wore tight jeans.

In a desperately Emo-less affair, the Bulls and the Cheetahs square up this weekend at the mighty Loftus Versveld Stadium. Where Cheetahs take tournament team continuity with them into the final, the Bulls boast an unchanged 15 with home-ground advantage. It’s a triple feature this weekend with the announcement of the Bok touring squad after the game, as well as the mighty Hugh Bladen behind the mic. (Blades has recently started tweeting – great value! www.overtohugh.co.za.) The 106th Currie Cup final gets Chowgaps’ cheer of the week. Of all the sports, I’m of the opinion rugby might be the toughest for Emos to crack. Percy had tight shorts and long hair. That’s about the closest they’ve got.

Australia will need to raise their game by Saturday as they were very much given the red-headed stepchild treatment when Mahendra Singh Dhoni lead India to victory by 99 runs this week. His 124 was enough to put India back in the running as they levelled the series 1-1. Then, in a sport where I think Emos could thrive, the F1 goes to the new spectacular Yas Marina circuit in Abu Dhabi this weekend. It’s the inaugural race where Brawn GP’s Jensen Button hopes to be the first victor in the first day/night race. Be sure to look out for the unusual pit-lane exit!

The Premiership continues amongst some other great entertainment this weekend. And, in fact, I think that would be the perfect place to start introducing Emos to the professional sporting world. Soccer. I think Sir Alex might be an Emo in denial. I reckon after practice he tells Wayne Rooney off, gets into his Audi club car and turns up some Taking Back Sunday.

Check out times below!

Chowgaps

FRIDAY

15:45 – 17:50 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Prom/Releg – SWD v Platinum Leopards SS1

17:50 – 20:00 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Prom/Releg – Pumas v Boland Kavaliers SS1

16:15 – 23:00 Cricket MTN40: Diamond Eagles v Highveld Lions SS2

10:50 – 13:00 Motorsport F1: Abu Dhabi Practice Session 1 SS5

07:00 – 12:00 Golf Euro PGA: Barclays Singapore Open Day 2 SS6

SATURDAY

16:30 – 19:45 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Final – Blue Bulls v FS Cheetahs SS1

19:45 – 20:00 Rugby Springbok Squad Announcement End of Year Tour SS1

20:30 – 22:30 Golf US PGA Tour: Viking Classic Day 3 SS1

10:45 – 19:30 Cricket Indian Cricket: India v Australia 3rd ODI SS2

14:00 – 16:45 Soccer Premier League: Arsenal v Tottenham (Hd) SS3

16:45 – 19:00 Soccer B Premier League: Fulham v Liverpool SS3

19:00 – 22:00 Soccer Premier League: Manchester Utd v Blackburn SS3

14:30 – 18:00 Soccer Super Diski: PSL: Kaizer Chiefs v Orlando Pirates SS4

19:30 – 22:30 Soccer Super Diski: PSL: Platinum Stars v Moroka Swallows SS4

05:00 – 10:00 Golf Euro PGA: Barclays Singapore Open Day 3 SS5

11:50 – 13:20 Motorsport F1: Abu Dhabi Practice Session 3 SS5

16:55 – 18:55 Soccer Premier League: Everton v Aston Villa SS5

19:30 – 21:35 Rugby Guinness Premiership: Leicester Tigers v Northampton Saints SS5

02:10 – onwards Cricket Hong Kong Cricket Sixes SS6

SUNDAY

14:30 – 17:30 Motorsport F1: Abu Dhabi Main Race SS1

09:45 – 16:30CricketMTN40: Chevrolet Warriors v Cape Cobras SS2

17:55 – 19:55 Soccer Premier League: Birmingham v Man City (Hd) SS3

19:55 – 21:55 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Malaga v Valencia SS3

21:55 – 00:00 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Deportivo v Sporting SS3

15:00 – 18:00 Soccer Super Diski: PSL: Mamelodi Sundowns v Jomo Cosmos SS4

05:00 – 10:00 Golf Euro PGA: Barclays Singapore Open Day 4 SS5

15:45 – 19:00 Road Running New York Marathon New York SS5

02:10 – onwards Cricket Hong Kong Cricket Sixes: Cup Rnd Robin – N2 v S2 SS6