I’ve always wanted to know what it might be like to be bitten by a hooker. I have, however, never found myself tossing and turning on my Long Staple Egyptian Cotton (grown only on the banks of the Nile), wondering what it might be like to be gnawed at by a lion.

Much to his dismay, I’m sure, the great stallion of a loose forward, Francois Louw, was privy to both experiences this past weekend. One would think because he’s built like a brick lavatory that he’d be spared such malice, but Hans van Dyk had other ideas. And for that, I believe the man deserves a little bit of praise.

Full article plus TV times after the jump.

Let me tell you – it takes a tremendous amount of courage to sidle over to someone like Flo and have a little nibble. And let’s be honest, it makes for pretty decent viewing. Sure, citing was inevitable and sure, he hopped on the next airbus out of the Republic, but let’s face it, that’s pretty standard post-incident behaviour. Can’t fault an aspiring tight forward there. The bottom line here, I think, is that without a chew here or there, entertainment surrounding sport might dry up completely.

Take Stoke’s battle against Everton last weekend. Twenty-two men ran up and down for 90 mins to end up undecided as to who was better on the day. 1-1. No biting. Not even nail-biting. Or the USA winning the Presidents Cup. Would we say memorable? Now if Yang had run up and bit Tiger on the pinky on the 17th things might have been different. Ratings would have been through the roof!

All we need to do is reminisce for a second over some of the other memorable biting incidents. Evander ‘hors d’oeuvres’ Holyfield’s ear fell prey to Mike Tyson way back in 1997 at ‘The Sound and the Fury!’ Case and point that whatever happens in Vegas clearly doesn’t stay in Vegas. Birtney Spears was obviously glued to the season-finale of Full House, missing the above valuable life-lesson when she said ‘till death do us part’ to K-fed. A few stops further down memory lane saw Johan ‘le Beast’ Roux take a sizeable chunk out of Sean Fitzpatrick’s cauliflower back in the 1994 Wellington test, which, incidentally, we lost 13-9. In fact, the only positive that came out of that was Leon Shuster’s hit single, ‘Don’t bite my ear, my achy breaky ear’. Whether a Bull has an appetite similar to that of a Lion remains to be seen as ‘the streeptrui’ lies in waiting for this weekends’ battle at Fort Newlands.My iPhone says it’s going to be 20 degrees on Saturday, with a little sun that isn’t obstructed by any snow or hail, so the stage is set for a proper mother city 17h00 spectacle. Coach Coetzee apparently reckons the Bulls might be the best side in the world, so a win on Saturday would go a long way to healing Flo’s scars and general team morale going into a Currie Cup final.

Our slithering Cape Cobras’ outfit continues to impress on the sub-continent, as they remain top of group C in the Champions League T20. (Gyppo-gut casualty rate still zero – impressive.) The Deccan Chargers, not so lucky, became the first team to be sent home after they lost to Trinidad and Tobego by three runs in Hyderabad. I’m happy about this. The TnTs are easily the coolest side in the tournament, expressing their emotions with such finesse as they do their little Caribbean shuffle, along with the highest of high fives to celebrate their fortunes. There’s never any tapping or stroking of the bum, or any other Australian inappropriate displays of affection, which seems to be creeping into many of the other national squads. I hope they come second after the Cobras. There’s plenty of local and English footy this weekend which, amongst the lot, sees Stoke FC take on West Ham. Maybe Danny Higginbotham will skip breakfast and save his first bite for a memorable Saturday afternoon of England’s pastime.

Chowgaps

TV Times

FRIDAY

16:00 – 19:00 Golf Euro PGA: Portugal Masters Day 2 SS1
21:00 – 23:00 Rugby Heineken Cup: Rnd 2 – Sale Sharks v Cardiff Blues SS1

12:00 – 16:00 Cricket Champs League T20: A2 v B2 SS2
16:15 – 20:00 Cricket Champs League T20: A1 v B1 SS2

SATURDAY

14:00 – 16:30 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: SF 1 – Sharks v FS Cheetahs SS1
16:30 – 19:30 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: SF 2 – Western Province v Blue Bulls SS1

12:00 – 16:00 Cricket Champs League T20: C2 v D2 SS2
16:15 – 20:00 Cricket Champs League T20: C1 v D1 SS2

13:30 – 15:45 Soccer Premier League: Aston Villa v Chelsea SS3
15:45 – 17:55 Soccer BPremier League: Manchester Utd v Bolton SS3
17:55 – 19:55 Soccer Italian Serie A: Juventus v Fiorentina SS3
19:55 – 21:55 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Real Madrid v Valladolid SS3
21:55 – 00:00 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Valencia v FC Barcelona SS3

15:55 – 18:00 Soccer Premier League: Sunderland v Liverpool SS5
18:15 – 20:20 Soccer Coca-Cola Champs: Nottingham Forest v Newcastle Utd SS5
20:40 – 22:45 Soccer Italian Serie A: Genoa v Inter SS5

15:00 – 19:00 Golf Euro PGA: Portugal Masters Day 3 SS6

15:55 – 18:00 Soccer Premier League: Arsenal v Birmingham SS7

SUNDAY

17:30 – 20:30 Motorsport F1: Brasil Race SS1

06:45 – 08:30 Motorsport Motogp: Australian GP Main Race SS2

12:00 – 16:00 Cricket Champs League T20: A2 v B1 SS2
16:15 – 20:00 Cricket Champs League T20: A1 v B2 SS2

16:30 – 19:30 Soccer Premier League: Wigan v Man City (Hd) SS3
20:15 – 23:00 Soccer Italian Serie A: Milan v Roma SS3

13:35 – 15:45 Rugby Heineken Cup: Ospreys v Clermont Auvergne SS5
15:50 – 18:00 Rugby Heineken Cup: Rnd 2 – Bath Rugby v Stade Francais SS5

15:00 – 19:00 Golf Euro PGA: Portugal Masters Day 4 SS6