Life isn’t fair. Whiskey prices are at an all-time high. Women are branded as men. Elton John can’t adopt and Eskom bosses get disgusting bonuses. That’s just the way it is. We have to accept it.

What we shouldn’t have to accept, however, is the fact that not a single Proteas name made it onto the shortlist for the ICC annual awards.

Read the rest of the story and TV times after the jump.

That’s right, not a single finalist. The injustice of it is similar to completely ignoring Forrest Gump at the Oscars- deep down you know it ain’t right, and heck, what are you gonna tell Jenny? Seriously though, I was rather upset to read that the likes of Biffy, AB and Dale were not included, especially given the performance of these three in our big win down under at the end of last year-winning a series in Australia probably the hardest thing to do in the game of cricket. But let’s forget things like that for a minute and dwell on the fact that the Proteas are number one in the ICC test and ODI rankings. It’s like nominating the PGA tour player of the year and not including Tiger Woods after he wins four majors and the Fedex Cup, or leaving Riaan Cruywagen out of the Perennially Youthful Toupee Awards. But above all else it’s just incredibly rude considering that the awards are in Johannesburg ahead of the ICC Champions Trophy. It’s like being invited to someone’s house for dinner and bringing gifts for everybody except the hostess. I think you get the point. Basically, it’s just plain wrong. Apparently the dude who handed out that laughable ban to Jacque Fourie on Saturday also sits on the ICC judging panel, which would explain a helluva lot. It’s now up to the Proteas (and especially Smith, de Villiers and Steyn) to whip out their…middle fingers (you sick puppies) and dominate the Champions’ Trophy with unrelenting aggression.

Do your worst ICC, do your worst, because nothing can detract from the gloriousness that is the Tri-Nations. Take a bow John Smit. Take a bow (wow wow yippee yo yippee yay, where my Boks at?) As a journalist, the written and spoken word is my bread and butter, my whiskey and ice. On Saturday, though, the tools of my trade deserted me as I sat in my bar, watching with paternal pride as the Boks dived into the history books. At first, the tears streaming down my leathery cheeks were tears of sheer happiness. How quickly things change. After a bottle of the glorious stuff I was blubbing like a 3-year-old, thinking back to my days as a brilliant fullback and even more brilliant lover. ‘If I could turn back time’ by Cher was pumping full blast on my Walkman. I felt strangely empty. That emptiness stayed with me after I found out about the four-week ban Jacque Fourie had received for a ‘spear tackle’ on Ma’a Nonu. This isn’t the rugby I was raised on. Have we lost the plot completely? Dust off those armbands, because this really is ridiculous. I’m volunteering to start a ‘Springbok/Proteas Conspiracy Theory’ entry on Wikipedia- who is with me?

I almost called it in terms of a Federer/Nadal final at the US Open. I failed, however, to take into account the brazenness of youth in the form of 20-year-old Juan Martin (pron ‘Clive’) del Potro. And what a final week it was at Flushing Meadows. Kim Clijsters might look like a bulldog but damn; she showed some character, becoming the first mother to win a major since Evonne Goolagong Cawley (I didn’t make that name up) won Wimbledon in 1980. Serena Williams’s man-sized shoes saw her foot fault her way out of the tournament. To be fair though, Clijsters was up in the match and appeared to be the better player.

Heidi Klum will be thinking what a good decision it was to marry Seal after former lover and father of her one child, Flavio Briatore, resigned from Renault amidst the Nelson Piquet/2008 Singapore Grand Prix debacle. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see that he is miles up Shit Creek without a paddle. Not even his friendship with big boss Bernie Eccelstone, which spans more than two decades, is going to save his Italian mozzarella this time. Rubens Barrichello’s win in Monza on Sunday has meant that Jenson Button and his goatee aren’t home and dry just yet, although it will require a minor miracle for the Brazilian to take the title.

Chelsea tops the Premier League table with five wins from five. Emmanuel Adebayor’s little act of indiscretion on Robin van Persie’s face (not to be misconstrued) in City’s 4-2 win over the Gunners on Saturday could prove rather costly as they get ready for their derby against Man United.

Province need to pick themselves up after last weekend’s heart-wrenching loss to the Cheetahs. They can do that by decimating the Leopards on Saturday. It’s going to be snot en trane for either Stefan Terblanche or Adriaan Strauss- neither captain has lost in the Currie Cup so far. Oh and let’s not forget the inconsequential Tri Nations game between the Kiwis and the Wannabies. Victory. Mmmm. Tastes almost as a good as a whiskey. Now if we could just get the price down, everything would be perfect.

Blades.

TV Times

Thursday 17/09

15:15 Cricket England v Australia 6th ODI SS2

Friday 18/09

19:00 Rugby Platinum Leopards v Western Province SS1
15:00 Golf Euro PGA: Austrian Golf Open Day 2 SS5
11:35 Tennis Davis Cup: South Africa v India Day 1 SS6

Sat 19/09

09:00 Rugby Tri-Nations: New Zealand v Australia SS1
14:45 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Boland v Blue Bulls SS2
14:45 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Griquas v Lions SS1
17:00 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Sharks v FS Cheetahs SS1

15:45 Soccer Premier League: Arsenal v Wigan SS3
18:00 Soccer Premier League: West Ham v Liverpool SS3

12:30 Tennis Davis Cup: South Africa v India Day 2 SS6
13:00 Golf Euro PGA: Austrian Golf Open Day 3 SS5

Sun 20/09
11:00 Cricket England v Australia 7th ODI SS2

12:00 Soccer West Ham v Liverpool SS 3
14:00 Soccer Manchester Utd v Man City SS3
16:30 Soccer Chelsea v Tottenham SS3

13:00 Golf Euro PGA: Austrian Golf Open Day 4 SS5
11:30 Tennis Davis Cup: South Africa v India Day 3 SS6
13:55 Motorsport Gp2 Series: Portugal Race 2 SS7