I deal with a lot of geeks. But, because I’ve had a computer since the tender age of six, I can pretty much hold my own when they throw around tech jargon. Ja, the data is “corrupt,” bru. Your “server” doesn’t support “mySQL.”

Ja, ja – whatever.

And it gets even worse when you get into actual web-related business type meetings with web marketers and the like who try and cover their own insecurities by throwing in as MUCH bullshit as possible. My personal favourite which The Insurance Broker told me about, was when he asked a guy what line of work he was involved in.

“I’m involved in a start-up,” came the reply.

“A start-up?”

“Yup!”

[nods head, agreeing] “Wow, sounds awesome. Are you enjoying that?”

“Ja, bru – what a great team!”

Seriously dude, get out of here – we don’t want you around. It’s like people in the film industry who tell you they’re involved in “production.” Jesus man, seriously, do you think that commercials and videos are the only thing in the world that can be produced? What about match boxes? You are aware that there are people involved in the PRODUCTION of match boxes, right?

There are even guys who put the match boxes into containers which hold 20 match boxes, for bulk selling. That could be described as “POST PRODUCTION” – did you realise that?

Shame. Take that masking tape you’ve got on your clever little tool belt and wrap it around your face. Then, get a “chaperone” to leave you in the car with the handbrake off on a slope. Near the sea. Fool.

Anyway, the point of this article is to highlight a wonderful site I was shown, which gives us the Web Economy Bullshit Generator.

Go there now, click “make bullshit” and have a jol!

 

CLICK HERE for Web Economy Bullshit Generator

 

Let me give you my first few tries:

enhance web-enabled portals
exploit real-time e-tailers
cultivate sticky markets (wow – that is hot!)
synthesize 24/7 metrics
deliver dynamic convergence (deliver is very good)
incentivize open-source applications (open source is SUCH a buzzword)

 

Aaah, that’s great fun.

To generate your own bullshit, CLICK HERE.

 

[thanks marc]