We’re pretty passionate about cellphone rules (check out article Latest Cellphone Rules), here at 2oceansvibe and have even included them in our Cape Town Rules section of the site.

Following on from that article, I have noticed more and more people struggling with private numbers. I’ve found that some people are still unable to ignore them, fuelled with the fear that the call might be important and the person at the other end might not leave a message and the “opportunity” might be missed. This is a possibility – a possibility which can easily be fixed by educating the caller.

You need to EXPLAIN the rules to the callers

The only reason people with private numbers piss you off, is because they keep on phoning and refuse to leave a message. How are they to know that you don’t answer private numbers? Banks and the rest of the annoying ones will keep on calling until you answer – that is what they’re told to do. UNLESS you put some new rules in front of them , which they have no option BUT to follow. Otherwise, I swear to God, it is NEVER going to stop..

It’s not cool to live like that – you’re on holiday, REMEMBER?!

These rules need to be stated in your voicemail. Simple instructions which have been created for every scenario and every caller type. These rules are also very handy for friends who might be terribly offended, should you tell them to their face; but the fact that it is a general voicemail message for everyone, avoids this sensitive issue.

The madness stopped dead in it’s tracks the day I changed my voicemail message to this:

Hi sorry I couldn’t take your call.
Please leave a message after the beep.
If you don’t leave a message I won’t call you back.
If I don’t know your number and you call again, I still won’t answer.
If you do leave a message that does not state the purpose of your call
..or does not make sense, I’m afraid I won’t be phoning you back.
I suggest then that you either send a text message, or email me.
Thanks.
Bye.

You like that? You see what I did there? And did you enjoy that part about “the purpose of your call?” – it’s so awesome. Now, if you run into someone who moans that you didn’t call them back, you can simply tell them that “I need to pick your brain” is NOT stating the purpose of the call. Saved again by your new voicemail message!

Then what you do is you call your service provider (0821082 for Vodacom) and tell them to turn on the “Spinvox” voicemail-to-text function which converts your voicemails into a text message (R49/month). No, I am not bullshitting you – this is a very real thing. Then, any voicemail message that is left on your phone gets converted into a text message (after a couple minutes) and you can READ what the person SAID in the message. It’s pretty incredible and it works. When they read out numbers it comes out in the text written as an actual number so you can just click the number to call them back.

Oh my God, this is a LIVE TEST: My phone is ringing right this second with a number showing – but a number I do not know.

The ringing has stopped and the voicemail is being read to the strange caller.

Standing by.

They’ve left a message.

[2 minutes later] It has been converted into a text message. A detailed message. With a number.

It’s someone I don’t want to speak to. A salesman type person.

I leave it.

Case closed.

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