[This article was written live on Sunday morning]

It’s been a blur of a weekend really and whatever transpired has got nothing to do with the fat joint I had this morning before establishing myself in the Arniston Hotel breakfast lounge.

You see, not only are you dealing with a view which could make Batman cry and gives The Safe House a run for its money, but you are also in a place where they sell Alabama Slammer cocktails, served standard with a dash of holy children’s tears. We chatted about them before, if you remember correctly .

I’m sliding into my second one now and the time is 09h49. I haven’t eaten yet, unless you count the joint I had before I arrived here.

We’ve had a bachelor weekend away and stayed at The Roofer‘s Arniston house. It’s not his bachelor’s, its actually for The Film Guy. Everyone is back at the house. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing there, but the fact that they aren’t here is bordering on criminal.

I mean, really, do you agree?

 

Alabama Slammers over breakfast at the Arniston Hotel

 

WAIT! STOP EVERYTHING!

Something has just happened whilst copying the above picture into this article…

As you will see in that picture, I have an exquisite view from my table in this, the breakfast atrium. The indoor breakfast area is just behind me, and then there is this enclosed atrium area out front.

I was at the table in front of me, but it had too much direct sunlight and I wanted a chair that faced the ocean.

I am the only person here. Or rather, I WAS the only person here.

Enjoy what has just happened..

 

\
Uh oh.. what do we have here?

Oh

My

Sweet

Fuck…

Are you KIDDING me?

This couple has just come and sat DIRECTLY in front of me!!!

Hang on.. [Seth pinches himself and uses various techniques he often uses to awake from bad dreams – to no avail].

My scrambled fucking eggs have just arrived and these people have actually gone and planted themselves directly in front of my view.

Surely not?

Am I being Punk’d? I can’t see any cameras..

Perhaps you think I’m over reacting?

I’m going to take a stroll to the other end and snap a pic for you.

 

The WHOLE place – EMPTY!
Can you see them in the FAAAAR corner?

 

Can you see where they are? Over there at the faaaar left end! With my spot to the right of that. You will notice that there is NO-ONE else in this ENTIRE fucking place, and they sat directly in front of me, COMPLETELY obstructing my view of the sea. I was staring out to sea for Christ sake, and now I can’t lift my head without looking at them!

Oh God, I can hear them talking!

Come one! Are you fucking KIDDING me??!?

Why would anyone DO this?!

Jesus, I really am struggling to understand this. I would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS EVEN DREAM of doing this to someone else. SURELY they would have put themselves in my position and thought about what their actions might do to my previously very chilled mood?

How is it possible to be so rude?

Fuck sakes man! I’m out of here.

 

Seth moves..

 

I have now moved further down the drag to another table. I picked up my laptop, my breakfast, my Alabama Slammer and I moved.

They didn’t say a word. No apology. Nothing.

Oh hang on a cotton pickin’ second. Something is happening.

Oh my….

I think mine eyes are deceiving me.

[Seth blinks, shakes his head and checks again]

Yes, yes, I do believe it is happening. Oh my God, I need to take a pic for you.

 

Crap couple relocates to MY table!
Is this real?

 

I have zoomed in taht picture for you. Can you believe it? They have just moved all their stuff to where I was originally sitting!

Are these people professional pisser offers?

They come into an empty place. Sit on my face. Make me leave. and then take my place. The place I originally chose to be alone and to play on my laptop and stare out to sea!

This is very possibly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. This, and being circumcised, which I remember clearly.

I’m speechless.

I can’t write anymore.

I’m going to eat my scrambled eggs and drive back to Cape Town.

Fuck this.