You see, this is the point I was trying to put across the other day. You find yourself turning and staring and you’re like, “Jesus, look at that piece of…” and then, as your eyes focus your brain signals you to shut up and stop what you’re saying and doing and thinking. PULL OUT!! PULL OUT!! She’s a fucking child! CANCEL! CANCEL!

Such is the case of Dakota Fanning who turns a cool 15 on the 23rd of February. Here she is at the NAACP image awards.

You know what. I’m not going to waste time and risk this slipping through my fingers.

I’m calling it early.

I hereby “claim” Dakota Fanning.

Sorry guys, but it’s too late.

This will reap SO many rewards in a few years time when she is a legal smoking hot little minx! You’ll see her in some movie and you’ll realise she is 18 years old and fucking hot and you’ll say, Jesus, I wouldn’t mind a piece of that.” And then I’ll remind you, “take it easy buddy, that’s the last I hear you speak about her in that tone. She’s mine, I claimed her in February 2009.” We’re basically married..

And I’ll have proof. This very webpage.

Thanks for becoming a part of history with me.

Dakota, I’ll see YOU in three years time..