So this little shit in the UK has become a dad at the age of 13. Which is fairly incredible, given that 13 would put us in standard 5 (“grade” 7). Personally, I was in standard 6 (I was incredibly bright as a child) at that age and talk of sex was definitely apparent in the boarding house.

Standard 5, however, is pushing it.

Alfie Patten and his bundle of errors

Given the mother of his spawn is 15 years old, I think it’s fair to say that she seduced him. I watched them on SKY news and I can also confirm for you that their social standing is what is often referred to as “white trash.”

When I was reading the story beforehand, I was visited by satan. Weirdly, but understandable given the circumstances, I was just DYING to see the chick he banged. I mean, Christ, she’s 15 and clearly sexually active! We’ve all been caught having a cheeky squizz at an 18 year old before, only to find out later, to our horror, that she was in her early teens. I mean, HOW parents let these girls leave the house with nothing but a belt over their vaginas is beyond me!

Normally society would shun the perving of any chick sub 17-years of age. But now, given the current headlines at hand, one should surely take note? Men in bars around the world are now, albeit briefly, able to unlock the “taboo subjects” door and do what they’re been dying to do, without fear of being locked up. I mean it IS topical! Finally, we can all have a mature open discussion about boning the crap out of a hot little 15 year old piece of trash!

But then it’s all a bit of a let down when you eventually find a picture of this early-teen mum to discuss, and you’re hit with this vibe:

JESUS, BRU!!

So not only has this little kid done himself a great injustice by procreating at such a young age, but the chick he’s got along for the ride is far from ideal . You’ve done very badly there, my boy.

I can’t imagine this working out for the best.

She’ll bring a firearm home from the factory in a couple years time.

[source : the sun]