I thoroughly enjoyed this tongue-in-cheek story about Capetonians and our beloved Cape Minstrel annual carnival.

With teeth..

CAPE TOWN – author unknown

Over 300 Cape Minstrels are in hospital this morning after taking part in a traditional street carnival to celebrate January 2 without realizing that the day was not a public holiday. According to one Minstrel bandleader the carnival was “just starting to go lekker” when it was crushed by morning rush hour traffic, scattering Minstrels and crushing ukuleles.

The second day of the year has traditionally been a holiday for many Cape Town citizens, with January 3, 4,6, 9, 14, 19, and 24 also being viewed as back-up holidays in case the second falls on a weekend. All non-holiday days can also be used for meditation or training in preparation for street carnivals, meaning that most Capetonians work for approximately four hours in January.

However local government has tried to phase out the holiday, citing lost man-hours and chronic migraines caused by having to listen to plastic ukuleles and discordant brass instruments, and this year January 2 is a normal working day.

The change came as shocking news to the men of the Heppy Cheppie Lekker Larnie Tjakkalang Tjokker Brigade minstrel band who headed this morning’s catastrophic carnival.

“Nobody told us it was a working day,” said Sexyboy September, who had eight toes broken by a Volvo.

“They say they faxed us a memo at work, but don’t they know we haven’t been at work since October?”

According to Clive Cupido of the Dreamlover Waltz And Sokkie Pomp Kings the carnival was “just starting to go lekker” at around 7am this morning when it moved onto the highway into the city and met with instant carnage.

“I remember we were doing ‘My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean’, arranged for plastic ukulele and slightly dented harmonica, and suddenly I heard this terrible sound from up at the front of the parade, like a loud metallic grinding and screeching,” said Cupido.

“I just thought it was Oompie Avril Daniels warming up his tuba. Now they tell me it was the Nice Naartjie New-Style Jazz Boyz getting ploughed by the 7.03 Golden Arrow bus from Salt River.

“It’s not nice to hear that.”

Shocked motorists have responded with out outpouring of donations including earplugs, non-sequined clothing, and beginners’ guides to music.

“I was looking at my GPS and then I looked up and saw about 5,000 people in sequined boleros and Styrofoam hats right in the middle of the highway,” said traumatized driver Margie Kent, who is being investigated for possibly obliterating the Camelot Crooners with her Range Rover.

“In that situation you’d be mad to stop. So I accelerated, and then when I realised I was surrounded I tried to reverse, which probably made it a bit worse.”

Clever.

Slightly naughty.

But clever, nonetheless.