Mm, ja. I went to watch Batman : The Dark Knight with The Chief on Sunday. We watched at Cavendish Square.

That’s right, Cavendish Square! Taking it back the ‘burbs. Old school.

I noticed the little picture-perfect setting with coffee tables and happy Southern Suburbs families, in that new paved area between Cavendish and The Link. Honestly, it looked like one of those drawings that you see sketched before the actual building begins. It’s always got beautiful little fern type bushes, encased in wood – with happy, healthy people, just enjoying themselves. Enjoying each other out in the open. Enjoying nature, food, shopping, pills and general pedophilia; without a care in the world. And that’s EXACTLY what we had on Sunday. The sketch had become a living, breathing thing!

“Good Lord!” I exclaimed to The Chief. “Check this new shit out!” as I gawked at the happy shopping mall setting appearing in front of mine eyes.

“That’s right, Seth. That’s actually been there for quite some time now,” he gave, smugly matter of factly.

“Oh, really?!” I retorted, in a sort of “WOW-we-have-arrived!” tone of voice.

“You laugh?” The Chief went on, “We’re (the people of the SS’burbs, it seemed) ACTUALLY busy erecting a bridge from The Link, OVER THE MAIN ROAD, to The Atrium!”

“Fuck off!” I exclaimed, clearly impressed.

{I should mention that we were quite stoned at this stage}

“Oh yes, my friend,” said The Chief, with puffed-out pride. “That’s the kind of stuff we do around here in the Suburbs,” he ended, in a kind of “Fuck-the-Waterfront” tone.

We carried on into the Cavendish car park. I don’t remember where we parked, but I do remember walking in through the Fast Food Section which was nothing short of a fuckfest.

We negotiated the Quickticket line (having cleverly booked in cyberspace) and smuggled in popcorn from the sweet shop downstairs (the queue for coke and popcorn was something I never thought possible indoors).

The movie started and, I tell you, you could hear a pin drop when Heath Ledger came on the screen.

It was good. I suppose. The one guy (Harvey Dent) flipped a coin to make decisions one too many times in the movie, but I let it go.

One thing I will, however, NOT let go is the scene on the boat. It was a pretty serious moment in the movie. The Joker was out in full force, somewhere in Gotham. Batman himself was out and about and there was definitely a lot of action going on. Cars, bikes, people, explosions, cops, criminals – general mayhem.

Then a package was delivered to the captain (or the like) on the boat. It was a tourist sightseeing type boat, with hundreds of people on it. The package had a message requesting the captain of the boat to make a decision to do with the pressing or not-pressing of a button on the device inside the package. With each decision resulting in the unknown (a typical kind of game The Joker plays on people).

So the captain makes an announcement of his decision. And that’s when it happened. Someone shouted “no ways!” as more support was given, contrary to the captain’s decision. THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THEY’RE HANDING OUT PIECES OF PAPER TO EVERYONE ON THE BOAT, AS THEY ALL MAKE SECRET BALLOT VOTE!

I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing! The whole of Gotham was under attack – it was complete and utter fucking mayhem! And THESE GUYS are having a fucking vote! On PAPER!

WITH PENS!

Come now!

Very naughty, guys.