So I was at this bar the other night..

Don’t you love that classic male intro? “Yeah, so I’m at this bar the other night..”

Brilliant!

So anyway, I was at this bar the other night ordering a drink. I can’t remember what the drink was (probably French), but this little vixen of a bar lady took my order. She was about to turn around to get the drinks and then, as though the spirit of Don Juan and Casanova took control of my body, I said unto her:

An example of a bar environment

“Sorry, before you get that, what is your name?”

She gave a broad smile, blinked a few times and declared, “Nicola.”

“Aah, yes…Nicola,” I said, quickly followed by the words, “I thought so.”

“You thought so? How did you know” she asked, confused. (bless her)

And this is when it all fell into place in the section of my brain which designs clever little saying and concepts. I pretended that it wasn’t important, and that she had pushed me to explain it to her:

“No, it’s just…. it’s just a friend of mine. A friend of mine said that there was a fucking hot chick working here, with the name Nicola.”

WELL!

When I tell you that the chick melted on the fucking spot I’m not over exaggerating. God, it was disgusting! Drinks were being poured for free! Eyelashes were fluttering! She was drinking secret shooters with me! It was PATHETIC! Within ten minutes the phone number had been written down on a till slip and passed to me via a friend. God, it was like I was the only guy at the bar. I really killed it. It was mass murder. Seriously. Napalm.

You see it’s very confusing for the angel to get her head around it all. Because the second section of the pickup line wouldn’t have come along if she hadn’t asked “why.” And she ignores the fact that it’s close to impossible for any human being to not ask why. So in her cute little butterfly-ridden angel brain, it couldn’t have been planned. SHE prompted the grand finale. He CAN’T be a player. Oh my God, this guy is a KEEPER!

She’ll be on the phone to her mother and practicing her signature with your surname before dawn.

It was very naughty of me to come up with such a perfect pickup routine but, as you know, I can’t help myself – I just want you to be the best you can be. It’s all for you.

Take it.

ENJOY it.