I went to test drive a bottle of rosé at Caprice this evening. I was expecting something special but, instead, I got the view you see below. I have always been careful not to punish the ill-informed – but then there is another, rather prominent side of me that wants to punish those who suffer from ill-logic. Take for example my friend here – Mr. Four by Four.

Sigh. …Shame….

Above waist height – an absolute NO-NO in front of Caprice

Now, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that a 4X4 vehicle can very easily get in the way. Those familiar with the Caprice layout (in Camps Bay, Cape Town – with respect to our readers from Pluto) will agree that there is a very clear line of sight when in and outside of Caprice. Regulars will be aware that there is a handicap parking zone directly outside the entrance with a legal parking spot just next to it – stretching to the corner of the curb. Whilst some people do make the error of parking in the handicap zone (we can do nothing about these people – they come from another breeding pool), there are others who believe that the other (legal) parking place (directly in front of Cappers) is fine. Let me take this opportunity to inform you that IT IS NOT, just, FINE. How can you POSSIBLY not realise that your mammoth, long-wheel-base-man-car might be ruining MANY people’s afternoons/evenings? Were you HONESTLY unaware? Are you kidding? How is that possible? I drive a fairly decent semi-sporty two door car and I can confidently declare that I have never parked in that particular spot !!!! In a two door – Let alone a moon vehicle!

To clear everything up (before I COMPLETELY lose my mind), whilst I may come across as materialistic and pretentious, it is an unspoken rule that this spot is only to be used by Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s. These two brands of car, whilst hot and slick and pretty, just HAPPEN to be of average waist height – thus conducive to sunsets and views at Caprice – something which MR FOUR BY FUCKING FOUR SEEMED TO HAVE NEGLECTED TO REALISE. (That’s right, investing in a Ferrari gets you the coke-whore AND the cool parking spot – everyone’s a winner!)

So before everybody thinks it is COOL to park in front of Caprice…..it is NOT COOL AT ALL. But it is FINE in a Ferrari or a Lamborghini – PURELY BECAUSE OF THE VIEW. – Don’t get confused… and don’t be an idiot.
GOSH!

You IDIOT !!!!!