So we found ourselves at the Arniston Spa Hotel this weekend. We weren’t actually staying at the hotel, but rather a mate’s place. Nonetheless, we thought we would enjoy the very sexual vibe at the Arniston Hotel pool.

For the uninformed and those of you who don’t know about the hotel or have never heard of Arniston before, I took the liberty of getting this “excerpt” (oh, excuse me!) for you from the hotel website :

“The Arniston Spa Hotel is set in one of the Cape’s most exquisite locations, next to an old fishing village, surrounded by pristine beaches and nature reserves. The luxurious 4-star Arniston Spa Hotel is internationally known as one of the world’s great getaways. Touched by the spray from the Indian Ocean, we welcome you with panoramic views of the unspoilt ocean and endless beaches. Blessed with an abundance of sea life, the hotel promises delicious oysters from nearby shores and the freshest fish from the local fishing boats.”

Aah – fucking chilled

The “Residents Only” sign didn’t bother us too much as we decided it was for management to protect themselves when getting rid of undesirables. We made ourselves desirable by chilling in the sun and requesting a cocktail menu. It all sort of fell into place as I opened the cocktail menu – the first cocktail my eye caught was the classic…

“Alabama Slammer”

“Christ Almighty,” I exclaimed to The Surfer , who confirmed that it was becoming “all too easy.”

“Have the gentlemen decided what they will be having?” the waiter asked.

“We certainly have, my good man! Why don’t you rack us up two of your tightest Alabama Slammers !” I confirmed.

“Oh very good, sir!” he shrieked, walking away.

I called the waiter back to the table as I asked, “I beg your pardon, what is your name?”

“Jason,” came the reply.

“Great, with a dash of speed please, Jason!”

He clicked his heels and off he went.

The Alabama Slammer
Feel it inside you

It became all too apparent why some folk travel half way across the globe to try the Alabama Slammers at The Arniston Hotel. They were absolutely fucking incredible – an explosion of taste – something out of a porno. We had about five each which, at R42 a glass, gave us the confidence to indulge in the thoroughly sexual swimming pool. The sun was shining down on us as we silently said a prayer of thanks to the God of Cocktails and played a game of Diver Dan.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur and I can’t remember a thing. We weren’t thrown out or anything, but I definitely recall the Alabama Slammers making the world feel like a better place. A softer, more fun place. Like everything was made of marshmallows.

I just wish that you were there so I could stuff marshmallows into your mouth and tickle your bum.

As you yelp with joy..

Maybe next time..

And if you’re there next time without me, just remember that you’d be a FOOL not to dry hump a few of those Alabama Slammers at the pool.

Spread the good word..

CLICK HERE if you want to book a room
at the Arniston Spa Hotel and
try these beauties first hand