In one of the most upsetting false TBG sightings since Peter Crouch was spotted masquerading as the TBG, Daren F sent in this “TBG sighting” (Daren is one of the special Darrens who only get one ‘r’ in their name).

The TBC – Tall Blonde Child

Hi 2oceansvibe,

I’m pretty sure I had a picture with the TBG. Was I blessed with his presence?

Daren

Well done on the effort, Daza, but the answer is no. No, you did not have a picture with the TBG. And, no, you were not blessed with his presence. You have completely and utterly fucked up. The real TBG is a beautiful man. The blonde fellow in the photograph is but a child. Too young to fully cope with the burdens of being the TBG. Carrying the World’s love inside you is not the job of a child. It is a man’s job. A man whose image can virtually burn a hole through a camera’s retina. A man with such an aura that nuns have even been caught, dry humping his leg. Furthermore, the blonde boy in the photograph is holding a pair of braai tongs. Don’t be bloody ridiculous! Do you think the TBG BRAAIS? People braai FOR the TBG – the TBG braais for NO-ONE.

Now, I mentioned earlier that this TBG sighting is particularly upsetting. I say it is upsetting because Daren’s excitement in the photo is so real that it can only be soul destroying to find out that his excitement should come to naught. A fake TBG. A false TBG. An evil TBG – not THE TBG.

Stop smiling, Daza, and start crying. Curl up in a little ball and beat your head with your fists.

Take off your beanie and beat your head now.

That’s it.

You have not met the TBG. Maybe you will……. maybe you won’t. But for now you haven’t and your life is still empty.

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this.