I’m surprised I haven’t really said anything about Camps Bay’s Bayside Cafe before, but I’ve just never really thought of it. I go there a lot and I suppose the regularity of it didn’t necessitate a mention; so I never did. (Seriously, you have to admit, I am CLEANING UP semi-colons lately). But I went there, the other night and it ALL CAME TOGETHER. I finally realised why the one waiter had always intrigued me. This revelation has finally necessitated a mention. He either IS, or LOOKS VERY SIMILAIR to John Turturro.

“Who the fuck is he”, I hear you asking.

Well, allow me to respond. He is the guy who played the character ‘Jesus Quintana’ (nailed Mark, you didn’t know the surname. NAILED.) in the movie ‘The Big Lebowski’. He was also the butler in the movie, ‘Mr. Deeds’, by the name of ‘Emilio Lopez’. Remember the guy who told Adam Sandler in the movie that he was “very sneaky sneaky”. Fucking funny. If you haven’t seen either of those movies then (A) you’re disgusting, and (B) you have until tomorrow to watch them.

The beautiful John Turturro as ‘Jesus’ in ‘The Big Lebowski’
Now working at Bayside Cafe, Camps Bay.

Anyway, he works at Bayside Cafe now. Seriously, go there and hope to God he is serving you – it’s a treat to be served by Jesus.

God, John, you were beautiful in Mr. Deeds.
Look very carefully at his face.
“I am very sneaky sneaky”
You can find him at Camps Bay’s ‘Bayside Cafe’.

That’s your guy

If the spectacle of being served by Jesus is not enough of a scene for you (I hope to God that he works there forever), then you’ll probably enjoy everything from their steaks to their seafood. Seriously comma they do it all and they do it well.

Bayside Cafe, we like you. Thank God.