As South Africa's new coach faces his greatest challenge yet [permalink]
With my finger firmly on the pulse, I emailed John Smit this morning and mentioned that his face was appearing all around me. On TV, in the newspaper, on billboards - all over the show! I just KNEW something was going on so I asked him if he was involved in another "tournament" of sorts. I can quite comfortably and exclusively tell you that the Spingboks are playing against Australia and New Zealand in the 2008 Tri Nations tournament which begins tomorrow! Awesome!
You'll probably see a lot of the media picking up on this as the competition gains momentum.
It's all happening!
Our 2oceansvibe sports writer of the moment, Batmanuel, did a little preview for us!
Australia
Under new coach Robbie Deans, you can bet your dingo's backside that the Wallabies are going to win a Tri-Nations series. It may not happen this year, but coach Deans will have these boomerang boys thinking like the Crusaders faster than Wendell Sailor can sniff a line of chalk-dust.
Aside from the mercurial Matt Giteau - and veterans like Stirlo Mortlock, Georgie Smith, Samwise Waugh and Nathan Sharpey - Deans will reinforce his squad by continuing to unearth young talent from the widely disinterested sporting public of Australia.
Players like scrumhalf Luke Burgess and centre Ryan Cross are real beauties and they constitute the vanguard of a new era in Wallaroo rugger.
In the interim, the coach must use crayons and paper to teach his boys how to scrum, or get someone at the IRB to outlaw the set piece altogether.
This year, Deans will be pleased enough if the Goldies hang tough with their cousins and win at least two of their three home games against the All Blacks (2) and Springboks, but keep an eye these blokes for the future.
Here is a recent shot of "Grey's" Catherine Heigl in a bikini. [slide please]
Heigl - suitably bland
Ok, so we've had a good look at that. I used to dig her. For a bit. Like a couple of months after first stumbling upon her. But now I'm over her. She does nothing for me. And I am confident of the fact that she is a cow.
That, of course, has got sweet fuckall to do with the email I received last week from a woman at Polyoak Packaging. Except, I suppose, the cow part. So this chick emails me at the 2oceansvibe editor email address and asks:
"I am after the telephone number for Elite Resorts office in Bellville / Parow - Thanks."
Amazing! Out of the blue! BANG! Phone number. Now. She seems to think 2oceansvibe and Seth Rotherham are able to double up as a phone book. Very interesting indeed. I wrote back: "Try this website - www.justfuckinggoogleit.com "
That is a real website, by the way, check it out. So anyway, I didn't hear another word from her until this morning when she hits me with:
As helmets continue to be worn in public areas [permalink]
In a wonderful continuation of our previously discussed cycling apparel articles, I received this radical camera-phone pic of a cyclist, wearing his helmet at Greens restaurant in Constantia.
This, sent in by Steve R:
Enjoy the chap with the helmet.
(Behind the dashing fellow in the foreground)
Dear Seth,
Apologies for the quality of the pic, old chap - I just couldn't resist sending it anyway. Spotted at Greens restaurant. You were right, it did make him look like a "tool!"
Thanks for the vibe!
Steve R
Thanks for that, Steve. Yes, you're absolutely correct - he does look like a tool. Once again, the theorem is proved correct.
And let me stress, to everyone, there is NEVER a quality of camera so low that you should resist taking photos of these, these... *ahem* individuals.
Now, you'll remember we chatted the other day when I gave a recount of one of my most successful pickup lines to date. Well I was taking a stroll down Web Boulevard and I came across this guy who seems to have a similar technique going. And by similar, I mean completely and utterly the opposite. His name is Dmitri. Amazing.
This is a true story which happened in the last month in San Francisco. Here is the leadup to what you are about to experience.
Okay guys here is the info on this voicemail. One of my friend's from work and her friend were out one night in the SF Marina district and were hanging outside of the bars trying to find a cab. One of the girl's, Olga ends up meeting this guy Dmitri and they talk for at the most 2 minutes. She hands him her business card and says call me.
Well attached is the actual voicemail that this guy left her. Wait till you hear it you will be laughing so hard you'll fall out of your chair.
That was enough for me to have a listen. The following clip is an audio clip which someone has added pictures to just for fun. So don't focus on the pictures as much as the audio, which presents us with two of the guy's voicemails, one after the other.
Brace yourself.
I'll leave that with you to deal with. Please try and compose yourself after listening to it. If you haven't got sound it is MOST unfortunate and I strongly urge you to find a friend who can follow through on this most basic of internet tasks.
Vida e Lindt chocolates perfect for car guards [permalink]
I grab a Vida e coffee every morning on the Camps Bay strip and virtually every morning I pop a minimum of R5 into the tip box for the baristas. Now, if you take into account the cost of the coffee, it becomes a tad Hectique! to also give a tip the car guard outside. I mean, it's early in the morning, it's not dangerous, my car is nought metres away AND its got parking sensors so I won't need help parking. I don't need a car guard at this point and I certainly don't think it's necessary to give him R5 for five minutes of standing around. That's when I developed a new social norm - tipping with chocolate.
You'll be familiar with the little chocolates you get with your coffee at Vida e.
Car Guard change - very acceptable
That's the one! The little Lindt chocolate you get with your coffee is MORE than fine to give to the car guard as a tip, especially when you haven't been longer than 10 minutes. Chocolate has long been used to boost morale and lift spirits in war zones (see military chocolate) and I can't think of a better gesture for the car guards getting cold outside. Much better than them using the money to buy crack and paraffin. God knows I'm not going to eat them every time I buy a coffee! Heavens, not with my hips!
Give it a go - it works like a charm.
And here's another little tip for the other meter cops you get. You know the ones who time you and then nail you with those hand-held machines. Here it is - simply keep a R200 note in your car. I've used it to pay three times now and they never have enough change and they let me go every time.
It's not nasty.
At least you tried.
I don't mind paying, but I'm afraid I can't cope with this vibe of having to keep seven kilos of coins in my car every time I leave home.
As we ponder over the 2008 Rolls Royce Phantom [permalink]
I popped into Future Exotics again this morning to have another look at that 2008 Rolls Royce Phantom I mentioned the other day. I just wanted to get a better grasp of what the car was packing - the "bells and whistles" as it were. I just need to know what one would get, SHOULD one decide to spend that kind of money. I'll be honest.... I'm tempted. But you know my vibe - I need something I can work in, as well as something I can play in. Plug points are just as important to me as champagne coolers, leg room and pure wool rugs. It's all very well cruising around with angels in the back, but when I need to pump out a quick article for YOU, does it have the facilities to let me do it properly? This is, after all, for YOU.
I decided to take the Rolls (or "The Rollce" as I like to call it) for a little test drive to have a first hand look at the various perks " the world's finest car" has to offer.
The 2008 Rolls Royce Phantom
After a wonderful cruise along Victoria Road and down the Camps Bay strip with DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's Summertime playing (very loudly - outrageously amazing sound btw!), we stopped to take a proper look at Cape Town's only 2008 Rolls Royce Phantom. I was very impressed. There were a number of things that stood out, some of which I'll talk about another time if I get the car, but for now I'll highlight some beautiful little points. The first one being probably the most important feature on the entire car - the fact that the angel in the front of the car can appear and disappear at the touch of a button! My God, that alone is enough to justify the purchase! For me this is obviously of great importance, as I would be able to indicate to angels outside the car as to whether or not I was alone in the back. If the angel at the front of the bonnet is hidden, then there might be some room for you in the back (if Daddy isn't in a meeting). But if it is showing, then I'm afraid it's a no-no. Like today I had it out, as I was cruising around with Holly.
Angel showing = angel in car with Seth
Or..
Angel not showing = no angel in car with Seth
I enjoyed that.
Another thing that got me was the shape of the bonnet and the power it pumps out with those rectangular lights and that GRILL! My GOD! It's a VERY serious vibe, don't you think? People aren't quite sure when they see it coming towards them. It's just so shiny and so powerful!
Running through the positive points with Holly
Another aesthetically pleasing feature has to be the suicide doors. It just looks cool. And it sounds cool. Say it to yourself - "SUICIDE DOORS." Yeah, you like that? Feels good, doesn't it? Mmm. I was chatting to G-Man at Caprice on Sunday night about possibly buying the car and the first thing that came out of his mouth was "suicide doors." Hah, trust my G-Man to hit the nail on the head!
Naughty, G-Man. Always sharp. Like a razor blade.
Oh my God - how weird is THAT?!?!? We were just talking about suicide doors, and now we're talking about razor blades! That's SO weird!
Check it out.
"She got me suicidal"
Ja, that's what I'm talking about! I looked into why they're called suicide doors and it seems the term refers to the risks posed when opening the doors whilst moving. Because they open backwards, the wind would force the door open and possibly rip them off (whereas normal doors are forced closed by the wind when travelling in a forward direction). Hmm, interesting. For some. It becomes a tad irrelevant when you don't open or close your own doors. What are drivers for? And anyway, did I mention there is a button inside that closes the door for you?
Oh, one other thing. See that silver knob in the side of the door, exposed when the door is open, as above. Ja, that thing. That's an umbrella. I'd probably replace that with a samurai sword or something.
There were tons of other features, but I don't want me OR you to get too excited so I'd rather save those features for IF we buy it! As you know I'd be doing it for YOU and I wouldn't want to build you up and make you excited for something that might not happen.
But I must show you ONE more thing because I mentioned it the other day. Check out these proper fabric blinds on the back windows of the car!
Ja, that makes sense. I've noticed on the Range that if the sun is at a certain angle, you can actually see inside the car from outside. Not ideal when you're "busy."
So that was that! I must say, I'm pretty impressed.
I'm going to have to sleep on it..
One thing is for sure, CA 3 will look VERY good on the front of this baby.
I actually wanted to get a model of darker hue for today's Tuesday Tabs, but then I stumbled upon Tricia Helfer and I was like, whoa! Take it easy, baby! She is an accomplished model (won Ford Model's Supermodel of the World in 1992) and is currently signed with Trump Model Management. Trish has also starred in movies and is most well-known for her role as Number Six in Battlestar Gallactica. Awesome. Let's have a squizz at this little dynamo.
As Dior drops her following "karma" remarks [permalink]
You'll be interested to note that Sharon Stone has been picked up by Damiani. This is, of course, not long after Diordropped her on her ring piece.
Sharon Stone - giving it a full go
If you missed it, Dior axed her following these very clever remarks:
"I'm not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don't think anyone should be unkind to anyone else. And then this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and then I thought, is that karma? When you're not nice, the bad things happen to you?"
Ja, look, not a very smart vibe to go for. And so here she is, doing her thing for Damiani. That's great. That's really great. Personally, I've never used them. Why would I? I buy most of my diamonds and jewellery (for angels who BEHAVE) right here in Cape Town from Platandia. Don't you?
They're in The Foundry, near to where Beluga is, for those of you who don't know. And don't think you're gonna just rock up there. No, no - these guys are by appointment only. This is the real deal. I'm talking bespoke handcrafted masterpieces here. And, because of their high standards, they produce a limited number of pieces every year.
As they interview someone who is "Bok Befok" [permalink]
CNN did very well the other day when they interviewed this colourful individual ahead of the last week's rugby international against Italy.
Bok Befok
For our international readers who weren't taught this particular dialect, Afrikaans; the wording on the gent's face can be translated directly into English, and means, "Fucked for the Springboks." That's what is means. "Fok" means "Fuck." Straight.
And you can't say that I'm being rude, because, you know, it was on CNN!
Today felt like the kind of Friday that everyone would be playing along with the aforementioned and agreed upon Cape Town Friday Rule. I was so confident of the feeling I had, that I woke up and went for the CLASSIC "secret cloud technique." You know the one: when you have a joint BEFORE you shower and change for the day. So you don't smell of weed and, with a small dose of eyedrops, no-one can tell the difference. Leaving YOU with an awesome day ahead of you! And I tell you what, that's EXACTLY what I've been having!
First port of call was Vida e in Camps Bay, where Losh put together one of nature's finest Cappucino's for me. I basked in the sun on the pavement as I skimmed over today's Cape Times school project. It was cutely written and most notable was the article mentioning the fact that the Pope does not wear Prada, as previously reported. The Vatican responded to these claims and summerised with the quote, "The Pope, in summary, does not wear Prada, but Christ." Interesting. Knowing how much money The Vatican has, one would assume this brand is something of a bespoked, high-end exclusive tailor. I've never seen any of Christ's range, but will admit that The Pope certainly does have a dapper vibe going.
I hit the road and continued The Cape Town Super Circuit. It seems other people had not embraced this day in the same way as me, and the road was saturated with bad energy. Most notable was the unprecendented sighting of not one, but TWO pretty fierce road accidents. One outside Caprice and one outside the Sea Point pool. I think I know some people who haven't been managing their karma very well.
Cop bike stuck under car
Not ideal
It's just too Hectique! for me. These nasty Friday moments further enhanced my need for a car and driver. Of course, the notion would need to be followed through properly. I remembered today's R750 million lottery jackpot and drove my car, possibly for the last time, directly to Future Exotics!
Whilst Cape Town's number one coffee outlet, Vida e, has some outstanding views at the Camps Bay branch, I thoroughly enjoyed this view as I sipped a cappucino at the Future Exotics store at the Waterfront. I can confirm that I have found the first toy I will be buying once I've won the R750 million. I took a little pic for you. Please enjoy the Rolls Royce Phantom with me.
The 2008 Rolls Royce Phamtom
V12 7.6L
0-100km/h in 5.9sec
Mmm, I like that, and so will YOU when I pick you up in it. At only R4.4 million it would be foolish not to snap this up. I had a good look at this baby and noted the blinds inside the back windows. ACTUAL blinds. Old school. My style. The staff at Future Exotics were also VERY MUCH my style and I can confirm they have the hottest staff out of any shop in Cape Town. FACT. I'd definitely recommend stopping by for a coffee and a perve *ahem* of the cars.
That was more than enough. I finished my cappucino, skipped the rest of the Cape Town Super Circuit, came back to the Safe House and bought 5 more tickets to the lottery.
Is that what we're going to do? We're just going to cruise along and act as though one of the biggest jackpots in living memory is not taking place today. Ja, that makes sense. Let's just not shell out a couple of bucks to stand in line to win today's R750 million TRIPLE ROLLOVER PlayEuroMillions jackpot. Not very clever.
I worked out that you could buy virtually the whole of Clifton's famous Nettleton Road. Is THAT not a good thing? Check out this highly sought after property, once occupied by Nicolas Cage, available on Clifton's Nettleton Road.
Do you LIKE working your ass off? Do you WANT to deal with annoying bosses and clients?
NOT entering the lottery as basically admitting that you enjoy being shat on and abused and, if that's the case, fine. Enjoy it. Hopefully you'll get some leave saved up and join me on the private island. I'll send my plane to fetch you. That's IF you get time off from your Hectique work life.
You gotta be innit to winnit, my friends. No one has ever been seen to be "wasting" money when buying lottery tickets. A guy in Austria won $56million in March. With one ticket.
It was a couple weeks back that we chatted about that guy in the yellow leather pant and red headband (a la Karate Kid) who is something of a Cape Town phenomenon (first featured in 2005). You might remember I mentioned the fact that he had even been spotted dancing on the roof of his BMW 645 CSi. Yes, that's the one. Well anyway, I was waltzing through the myriad of emails I receive on a daily basis from you, my cherished readers, and I found this little PEARLER!
Spice master pledges to "rock out" for the rest of time
This shot you see here was sent in by Damon P and lo and behold, it features our boy in that very same yellow leather pant - exactly the same ones that he was wearing a couple weeks back. The only difference is this pic was taken three years ago. The guy is quite fortunate that yellow leather pant never go out of fashion.
I want to highlight the fact that his sawn-off vest has a tiger print of sorts on the front. But, far more importantly, are the eyes of the tiger - far more prominently observed in this second photo of this series, featuring SA rocker and friend of 2oceansvibe, Justin Berg!
Justin Berg "rocks out" with the diminutive spice master
Notice how the vest is all black and white, except for those tiger eyes. Staring at you, through you. It's like he is the tiger.
Pretty radical stuff we are witnessing right here on 2oceansvibe. And that's what we'll keep doing to you - lifting you up, continuously, keeping you on the edge of your seat.
I see. Interesting. I prefer Celine to occupy one box in my brain and that is the semi-gay and sing like a chick in your car box. Songs like Think Twice which include that part (at the 03:18 mark) where Celine shouts [drum roll] "Don't say what you're 'bout to say ..... NO, NO, NO, NO!!"
You get the picture.
You'll be interested to note that Shania Twain has also covered the AC/DC anthem. That little rendition can be seen here (as we are simultaneously reminded how gorgeous Shania is. Good Lord). Then I also found a cool duet of the same song with AC/DC and Steve Tyler.
Ok, there there you have it.
Oh, I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you that the song Crazy (originally by Gnarls Barkley) has been covered by The Violent Femmes!
As we investigate "The Magic Hour" again at The Point gym [permalink]
So I took my ape to the gym today for another treadmill session (second day in a row, I might add) and unbeknownst to me, it was a time of the week that I had previously discussed on 2oceansvibe. That's right, I had already dubbed Tuesday 1pm to 2pm "The Magic Hour" at the Virgin Active gym in Green Point.
Well, I'll tell you what, there were fewer supermodels rolling around this time, but I noticed that the redhead twins were in the house - both working the climbing machines. I've mentioned them before and am yet to work out any regularity in their schedule. What I can highlight, however, is the fact that they have lifted their game ever so slightly. Now they're packing lollipops!
Ja, you heard me, they're sucking on lollipops WHILST they're training! BOTH OF THEM! Sucking on RED LOLLIPOPS! Can you cope?
Lollipops at gym - definitely the way forward
I'm as close as I can get to being speechless and must make mention that, whilst the lack of supermodels is a bit of a let down, this whole new lollipop sucking vibe is very much encouraged. For ALL girls.
And a warm welcome to Melissa! Thanks for joining us.
For those of you who don't know, Melissa has modelled for a number of publications and brands, not least of which include Revlon and the US Sports Illustrated. Nice. Melissa has also appeared on the hit TV show Entourage, as well as the film Something's Gotta Give. Good work, angel.
Now, on a far more serious note, let's get a visual overview of Melissa.
We've had a fewButlerspizzadriversightings of late and, in a very exciting twist, I have just received this little beauty sent in by Stu B.
4,000 deliveries deserves a celebration
Hey Seth,
I know you love a well experienced butler but on Saturday night we landed this legend with over 4000 deliveries and still up for a good sip of rum while on duty!
Good man...
Stu B
Superb work, Stu! My only concern is that the guy is a Butlers Pizza driver and he is downing a bottle of rum. Is that not alarming? I mean, doesn't he have to drive a car? I doubt he is using Good Fellas to help him deliver pizzas!
I sent the info through to Butlers Head Office and received a response from Big Cheeser Bob regarding their policy on these issues.
In short, it seems the butler in question is an old pro and with 4,000 missions under his cummerbund, is equipped with a certain level of wisdom. Big Cheeser Bob informed me that drivers will only imbibe liquor and other mind altering substances when their bow tie is removed and they have completed their final mission for the night. A quick look at the sighting above proves this point. Good work guys!
I actually recall a few weeks back where a butler brought some pizzas round to a party I was at and the guys applied enough peer pressure to get the guy to down some red wine out of a bottle. The butler was next to me and I watched closely as he swigged the bottle, not allowing a single drop to pass his lips.
